This Joanna, she’s a little bit country to my little bit Rock n’ Roll. Thing is, country is chic, sophisticated and trendy these days. Whereas? Modern rock took the last train to VH-1 Valhalla with Kurt Cobain. Now we got Jack Johnson’s view master logic and kids holding glow-sticks in lieu of butane.
Fact o’ the matter is, I went predictable in Grits vs Guilt and Joanna made me pay. I sponged off music videos, fight songs and Nick Saban forwarding address jokes, while she went old school.
My response? Damned if I know, so here’s a top 10 list . . .
Top 10 reasons the SEC ain’t all that:
#10- The Vols wear Creamsicle and sport a Puppy Chow endzone
#9- The Razorbacks rally cry is the Deliverance mating call
#8- Anything that crosses the goal line is an extra point
#7- Spurrier isn’t a ball coach, he’s a buffet spit shield
#6- The only time they play in snow? PlayStation
#5- You get more scoring in a monastery than an LSU/Alabama game
#4- Their non-conference schedule is weaker than a Ruby Tuesdays Margarita
#3- Tim Tebow dominated the SEC. I love the guy, but come on
#2- Bobby Petrino is the most prolific passer in conference history
#1-Urban Meyer took his talents . . . to Ohio
And since I really loved her parting shot . . I decided to have a turn at it my damn self. Why am I speaking Alabaman-ese? So here then, an amalgamation of quotes which will tell you where the Notre Dame Fighting Irish came from, where they’re going and what Monday night will look like.
Me, I always tell the truth, even when I lie . Things ain’t what they used to be. Those were the great old days, and we was like the Roman Empire. Time waits for no one, and while I know you can’t turn back the clock, you can wind it up again. It ain’t about how hard ya hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done! Fuckin’ A.
-In order: Tony Montana, Duke Ellington, Frank Pentangeli, the Rolling Stones, Bonnie Prudden, Rocky Balboa, and of course . . The Dude.
I’m glad for the crimson and clever tidings my lovely opponent gifted me in the lead up. So . . I raise a toast to you, ‘Bama girl, for elucidating the plain and simple truth of the games we love: When our differences serve to bring us together, it’s a good day.