shaken, not slurred

Super-Bowl-48When I was twelve years old I used to dream about playing in the Super Bowl. I figured it was the easiest way to meet the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders.

Oh that’s right, we’re not referring to it as Super Bowl anymore. The term was trademarked by the league office for the purposes of protecting their intellectual property from . . . people who want to talk up the game. When you can tell people not to refer to your biggest event of the year by name, and still take your britches out? That’s some business. There’s a reason Roger Goodell doesn’t wear socks, and it’s because his sock drawer is full of gold bars.

Okay, I usually leave my video spill for last call, but seeing as how they’re playing the game in the Boss’s backyard and I have a Jethro Tull selection in mind for this post, I just had to throw a Springsteen salud in here somewhere.

And . . . if the forecast would’ve called for snow, I was gonna go with one of my faves from the Sabbath.

Enough ‘o that. Here then are Cayman Thorn’s *SUPERSIZED Questions, Comments and Concerns about the Roman Numeral Rumble:  

(*McDonalds isn’t gonna kill me for using Supersized. They’ll let the McRib do it.)

NFC Championship - San Francisco 49ers v Seattle Seahawks

How in the hell did Busta Rhymes end up in the Big Game? This guy has more dimensions than Marilyn McCoo’s Christmas card list.

Oh well, I guess Busta got tired of kicking Michael Myers’ ass in Halloween. 

I figured out what Peyton Manning is up to when he screams ‘Omaha’ at the line of scrimmage. (Other than doing the job of the Omaha Visitors Bureau for them). As any fan of Counting Crows can tell you, when the opposing corner back is playing man and you pick up a safety blitz, you can just “Run past the heather and down to the old road”. I mean . . duh!    

Why do they have a specific starting time for the game if they’re not going to start it specifically at that time? 

Super Fun Fact #406

Lombardi Trophy spelled backwards is Buffalo Bills

Dallas-Cowboys-cheerleadersI don’t want to ruin the ending on Sunday, so I’m not gonna ask who Giselle is praying for, since those prayers didn’t work out so well for New England the last couple times they were in the big game. 

Do grocery shoppers really shop for free while the game is being played? Or is my girlfriend just trying to trick me into going shopping with her? 

If they had to postpone the game because of snow, why CAN’T they just make it up in July? 

Come to think of it, why don’t they just play it in July?

Super Fun Fact #349

The last time the Broncos were in the big game, a ‘selfie’ referred to being master of your domain. The last time the Seahawks were in it, Barack Obama was best known as ‘the guy who hangs with Oprah’

You know when we needed halftime concerts for this game? Back in the ’80′s, when every game was over by the second quarter.

The Dolphins are never invited back to this thing, are they? 

Cayman Thorn’s Deep Six Wings

Beg pardon my ballpark measuring skills, cause that’s how I cook. Improvisers, go to the front of the line, cause we simpatico.

-Dust 2-3 lbs chicken wings in a black pepper flour moondance and then give it a buttermilk bath for two hours. Yes, refrigerate during the intermezzo. Please.
-Roll those puppies around in a seasoned mixture of flour and cornmeal (My ‘Four Seasons’ mix consists of a little salt, lots of black pepper, a little cumin and some garlic. You’re not getting measurements, you’re an adult, figure it out).
-Let the wings sit while you fill a pan with vegetable oil. Make sure the oil is hotter than Vera Farmiga before you commence.
-Hit it. Place those dolled up wings in the lake of fire until you achieve a golden brown (Think Kate Gosselin after the tanning bed). After which you sit ‘em to the side on some paper towels and prep the sauce.

For the hot sauce, it’s simple and relative A stick of butter, a generous amount of hot sauce (I go with Crystal), a couple squeezes of honey (2 tbs). You want a puddle of red to roll the wings in. Do that for a couple minutes.

Serve. Or reach for some jalapeno bites if you’re a vegetarian like my girlfriend.

The Broncos held their media session on board a cruise ship, because they couldn’t find another location to accommodate their team and the media contingent. That’s what happens when you bring the game to the sticks.

Washington and Colorado are the only two states thus far to legalize marijuana for recreational purposes. Understandably, both ‘Hawks and Broncos fans have . . umm, high hopes. Music vid? Why not . . Boss.

East Rutherford got screwed. This is a town whose population of just under 9,000 wouldn’t even fill the North end zone of Met Life- a stadium you can actually see from the center of town. And yet, the NFL gave ‘em bupkis. Not a single scheduled event, and when the Mayor wanted to stage his own- a block party- he was prohibited from doing so. Damn! 

I dig the Seahawks uniforms so much, I’m willing to overlook the neon.

No tailgating at this Super Bowl. Maybe the league is concerned about terrorism, or losing beer money in the parking lot. But it’s shortsighted. Hell, with all those Coloradans and Washingtonians getting baked before the game, food sales would soar!  

And since they’re running the Big Game commercials before the Big Game actually happens, here’s my favorite out of the gate.

Prediction: The stars will shine. Expect high octane offense with some timely defense late in the game providing the difference.

Heat 104- Knicks 98

And oh yeah, here’s that Tull selection I was fixating on once Al Roker broke it to us that snow was taking a day off. Have a great Super Bowl Sunday, kids. And if you don’t hear from me again, it means the league office detained me. Call Dennis Rodman . . . oh wait, no . . .

Comments on: "Cayman Thorn’s Super Bowl 48 Post (Sshhhh)" (32)

  1. I haven’t been peeking at the commercials. We’re going to have to fly between parties at halftime, so I am Tivoing the game. I’ll catch most of them on Monday when they’re MM quarterbacking and hopefully talking about Manning’s legacy.

    • Colorado- Best of luck manana. As for Peyton’s legacy, as far as I’m concerned, another Supe win would be sexy as all get out. But the man is already firmly entrenched in my history books. I gave him ZERO chance of sticking after his comeback two years ago, and he’s only thrown for like 100 TD’s since. Ridiculous talent.

    • Where are you flying to in the middle of the Super Bowl? Is this a Colorado thing, or more Wild Rider giddyap?

  2. Ironic how there is an event on TV where the viewers actually look forward to seeing the commercials while on the other 364 days of the year those same people just use the Ad time to grab a snack or pee…

    The Furnace predicts that the Knicks will win on Saturday night and the Broncos will do the same on Sunday.

  3. You need to amp up the intonation, babe.

  4. If you’re up for it, roll one of the wings in the sauce before frying. It isn’t good for the oil, but I like the taste.

    My prediction is it will be over by the first quarter.
    Debbie Reynolds over Betty White by 15 points.

    • Handsome,

      I’m pretty sure I’m gonna roll with that suggestion, oil be damned. But I think you’re underestimating Betty White. I’m gonna take White to cover the spread, and . . . what the hell are we talking about? You have to get out of Canada, man. Before hockey starts becoming a habit you can’t break . . . eh?

  5. Cabron! is that better?

  6. Mr. Thorn. As usual a well mixed and served compendium of wisdom and humor. I love wings (my wife hates them) and your recipe looks like something I could get into. I usually just grill ‘em and drop them into a Jardines hot sauce mixture (Jardines chipotle Salsa and Hot sauce). I serve with a glass of Fat Tire.

  7. Your wings sound delightful, although I have to do the boneless version. I like my meat unhindered, know what I’m saying?

    • Hey Bahstan. Nothing wrong with the boneless wings. It’s just that, having learned something about cooking from a Cuban grandfather, it was all about bone in. And I feel like he watches over my cooking, so there’s no chance I try the boneless wings.

  8. At least Phil the Groundhog let them get the game in before delivering snow to the stadium. Meanwhile, the place where I was watching had lousy sound, so besides watching a lousy game, I missed many commercials!

    • I have the sneaking suspicion it wasn’t a shadow Phil saw the other day, but the Denver offense . . .
      Sorry about your Super Bowl experience, but on a positive note….you didn’t miss much with the commercials either. There were a handful of good ones, but it was a big fat ‘meh’ for the most part. I actually found the game fascinating. It was a throwback to the old days, when every Super Bowl was over by halftime. And I have to say, I really dug seeing defense win out.

  9. Don’t hate me, but I confess to watching the Superb Owl commercials on Hulu. Speaking of the SB, my post “How I won . . .” has Super Bowl in the title just for you! I had to look up to see who won in ’89.

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