shaken, not slurred

VeraSuperheroes ain’t what they used to be.

(I know what you’re thinking. Why do I have a picture of Vera Farmiga-in uniform no less- in a post about superheroes? Trust me. Have I ever let you down before? Don’t answer that.)

Anyways . . . X-Men ushered in a new age of superhero worship after which the good guys in funny costumes became brooding, sexy beasts with magnanimous skill sets. Christopher Nolan upped the ante with his Dark Knight trilogy, which served to extinguish the campy soul of Adam West.

Today’s superhero has gone lean and mean, replacing campy with cool. And while Downey and Bale and Jackman are game changers with mad skills, this boy happens to believe campy and cool are not mutually exclusive qualities.

So I’m making my own superhero. He’s campier than ‘smores and back packs, he doesn’t much care for leaping tall buildings in a single bound. He’s not faster than a speeding bullet or more powerful than a locomotive. He can’t swing from rooftop to rooftop or regenerate or punch stone into gravel. But what he does have is an innate ability to merge campy with cool. More coolness than any person in the free world (Except Pat Riley, of course.). He understands full well that it’s not about the game you talk, it’s about the game you bring.

Greg Gutfeld-who happens to be the shortest superhero of all time as Dude
well as a favorite commentator of mine- is right when he talks about the subjective (read: bullshit) nature of Cool. Being cool doesn’t really mean anything, but I do believe that’s because you have to make it mean something. That’s where Super Dude comes in. He’s a little bit campy, a little bit disco and a LOT of The Big Lebowski. Hey, I always considered the Dude to be a superhero.

-Super Dude is late thirties . . . Maybe even mid forty something- Granted, he’s lost a few steps and his paunch has become more formidable than his punch. Anyone who says you must be physically gifted to kick ass and take names never watched The Sopranos.

-Super Dude has kids. Kids are nature’s way taking your ego and throwing it in the microwave. Superheroes should be confident without being cocky, and kids will take care of that.

-Super Dude has a steady love thing. Not a vaguish love interest that comes and goes with the story line. This woman is the reason his superhero outfit doesn’t have that marinara stain on the the logo. If not for her, he wouldn’t know where in the hell he left his boots or that ray gun and he sure as hell wouldn’t remember that ten o’clock meeting to decide the fate of the universe . . .

-Super Dude drives a Bugati- More specifically, aVeyron 16. BecauseBugatti_Veyron_16_4_by_JetroPag this beast can go from 0-60 in the time it takes you to sneeze. It grooves macadam at 260 mph. You want more horsepower? Buy a team of Clydesdales and feed them steroids.

-Super Dude has a female sidekick- Because when you’re fighting for truth, justice and yes, the American way. . you don’t have time for pissing contests with a kid who’s got a chip on his shoulder the size of Montana. When dudes team up, they usually spend as much time fighting each other as they do fighting the bad guys. A Super Dudette balances the books- literally, figuratively, soulfully.

-Super Dudette drives the Bugati- Does this one need explanation?

-Super Dudette looks exactly like Vera Farmiga- I told you I wasn’t gonna let you down. If you doubted me . . well, okay . . you were probably right to doubt me. Never mind.

USA Body Paint-And she wears this getup when fighting crime- Yeah, I know it’s body paint. And there isn’t a bad guy on Goblin’s green earth that would refuse to lay down their arms and surrender when this extremely convincing fashion argument made the scene. God doesn’t have to bless America . . . but arch villains are gonna be all over it.

-(And oh yeah) Super Dude and Super Dudette love their country- They would do anything for it. And by anything, I’m not dealing in hyperbole . . nah ah. They would give their lives for it. That, to me, is more than just anything. That’s everything.

Come to think of it, America doesn’t need a Super Dude or a Super Dudette after all. Not when we have men and women who willingly choose to put themselves in harm’s way by venturing to the desperate places of this scary world. Men and women whose skill sets and drive would keep them safe, sound and successful on this side of the fence.

They’re not here for that kind of roll. They’re somewhere else, always. They trudge through nightmarish tribal conflicts and unforgiving political entanglements despite the fact they’re not made of steel and they don’t have x-ray vision. Despite the fact the bad guys are not always so easy to figure out. The sense of duty these men and women possess is not some antiquated notion, it’s a genuine calling whose value is priceless.

I don’t know about you, but this world seems to be unraveling by the day. So color me thankful that our superheroes don’t hide in phone booths or bat caves. They’re right where we need them.

 

Comments on: "When Super is a daily vow" (15)

  1. Well done, sir. You had me in a tizzy with the Bugatti and body paint, then you go and drive it home with our everyday super heroes. Nice! Somewhere Chuck Norris weeps.

    • Hey C,

      I apologize for my long winded reply to your query on the Jack Bauer post. But I had to deliberate, since we ARE talking about saving the world.

      As for this post, I started writing it as a humorous bent and then it turned as I watched the news unfold from all these scary places this morning. It’s remarkable, the sense of duty these people have. And it’s always the same when you talk to a person who serves or who has served, they don’t ask nor do they want accolades. It’s such a stoically driven purpose, remarkable really.

      Thanks for the video. That’s perfect. (I chose Brett Michael because he has proven himself such a champion for the armed forces, going over to perform every chance he gets. He’s quite a guy.)

  2. Seriously, I could read your stuff all day. Publish please. My Nook has quite suddenly became boring.
    Excuse the brevity of my message…I’m off to find some body paint (hubby has been gone all week and might appreciate the effort). He’ll thank you for the inspiration later ;-)
    xo

  3. Thank you Mama. And publish? As in a book? Story?

    Just an FYI for you and your guy. Chocolate body paint is the gift that keeps on giving. It’s a great night cap to a romantic dinner. Just a suggestion.

  4. Another great post. I’m sorry, but the girl in body paint would not be allowed in my Bugatti. I would let her drive the BMW 645ci though. Vera anytime.

  5. Mid-forties?!? What about silver daddies? Even the Dude barely makes it under your definition — 49 at time of filming (had to look it up — although a true Lebowski fan would know this fact by heart).

    A salute to this post though. Cheers! May I use your header and feature it on my funny blogs page? http://holdouts.wordpress.com/funny-blogs/

    • Jb- I didn’t say the Dude was Super Dude, he’s more like the coolest Obi-Wan ever (And that includes the super cool Liam Neeson). I put my Super Dude somewhere in the mid forties range since I happen to reside there presently. A boy can dream, no?

      You may use anything you wish. Okay, that didn’t sound right, but you know what I mean. I appreciate that. And way to go with the impressive knowledge of all things Lebowski. You’re a superhero. No, you’re a literary superhero. Much thanks.

      • Heroette. Rhymes with pirouette. The image of Jesus’ tongue in the bowling scenes will haunt me to the grave.

        You are very entertaining. Thank you. Off now to pull some weeds.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,598 other followers

%d bloggers like this: