I got nothing as far as Oscar picks are concerned. I blame it on the Ice Age we’re currently experiencing on the East Coast- as predicted by Dennis Quaid in The Day After Tomorrow.
While everybody else goes all Jimi Hendrix over directors and dresses and actors and adapted screenplays . . I prefer to concentrate on the peeps who serve up golden boy. I’m funny like that.
So . . . Neil Patrick Harris as host? To borrow from his classic turn as Barney- the hilariously jaded misogynist pig- on How I Met Your Mother . . . Gee? Meet Nius. You guys are related, and I . . am your father. Okay, maybe that was Barney and Cayman Thorn, collaborating at last call. Scary thought.
There is nothing but scary good potential involved in a Neil Patrick Harris night at the Oscars. He’s young enough to play with hashtag, and mean it. He’s old enough to remind certain of us folk how he survived the deadly career affliction otherwise known as Child Actor (See Doogie Howser). Not only survived it, he kicked ass on it.
No matter how well things go tonight, he’s not married to the Oscars (Which, no doubt pleases those cranky Christian conservatives). He can take this Academy Awards thing and he can leave it just the same. And that right there brings some much needed edge to an awards banquet that has gone too long to the dance with Billy Crystal.
Okay. You didn’t ask me for my Oscar nods, so this is what you get . . .I only go with the Big Five on account of my attention deficit . . something or other, don’t remember. . sorry.
Best Actor- Alex Rodriguez. He’s not nearly as handsome as Streep, nor as pretty as DiCaprio. But he’s so damned good at lying his ass off that the sporting world has called him out on it. That, is some work right there.
Best Actress- Bruce Jenner. Too soon?
Best Director- Stephen Spielberg. Too late?
Was that five already? My ADD is saying nah, but that pic to my right is asking me to leave the room before I attach a chicka or a bow wow to it (too late! Fucking ADD, why do you insist on following me into dementia?! Give me some time to breathe!)
Anyways, hope you enjoyed this Oscar night special as much as, umm, I did?