I know you are but what am I?

The O’Reilly/Joy Behar/Goldberg imbroglio would have been a lot more entertaining if it hadn’t come off as an orchestrated stunt. Viewers who tuned in to The View, got a professional wrestling match instead.  The only difference between the two events is that steroids had nothing to do with this one, at least not directly. Everything else was straight out of P.T. McMahon . .  lots of cursing, finger pointing and chest thumping went on and nobody got hurt.

I’m not saying the ‘confrontation’ was scripted, but that’s only because it didn’t have to be. Why kill a bunch of trees when all you really need to do is put Bill and the Goldberg Girls together in the same room and brace for impact?

Bill’s role in this was cake. All he had to do was say something provocative. No problem. The girls had to supply some sort of prop. The walk off. Yes, that’s what we’ll do! I fully expect Bill to return to The View in the not too distant future, just as I know it won’t be too long before Whoopi shows up on one of Bill’s shows. They’ll wink, kiss and make up . . and then do it all over again.  There’s demand in them thar’ hills now.  The producers played both sides of the net so deftly, Roger Federer should be asking for pointers.

Such is life in a “Hannitized” television world, where talking over someone has it all over talking with someone. It’s funny how the grown ups lecture the kids on manners and etiquette and appropriate behavior . . and then they end up doing the very same things they rail against. Yell, taunt, tease . . all of the above.

O’Reilly and Goldberg are smart, opinionated people who happen to sit on opposite sides of a fence which becomes more polarized with each sophomoric outburst. It would have been a cool ride, to watch these two go off on a major league volley with points and counter points and an agreement to their disagreement. Civilized debate would have been educational. And that’s just not sexy enough for show biz.  Constructive dialogue is the ratings equivalent of erectile dysfunction. Teachable moments are somehow not reachable moments for the network suits.

So what if it’s sensationalism over substance? It’s ratings baby. So stop asking for smarts from all the discombobulated discourse hogging up the airwaves. What do you need with that, you simpletons? Fire up the nachos, snap open a cold one and learn how to administer a forearm shiver, verbally.

Who needs intelligent debate when you can learn the nuances of a dramatic exit?

I mean, really.

Drink of the night: Egg Cream. A treat born in Brooklyn.


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