Electoral Dysfunction

I wonder if LeBron James is cool with Election Day being referred to as “Decision Day” by various of the news outlets. Does he own the rights to that language, or did he just borrow it for the purpose of taking his talents to South Beach via an hour long infomercial?

Had to ask . . . What will the losers of the mid-term elections do for employment? I’m guessing the lot of them aren’t going to be hurting for flow. Oh well, here’s hazarding a guess . . with the emphasis on hazard.

Harry Reid (Political Analyst)- Old Harry is going to have to find a way to steal money without the tax payer funded fallback of plausible denial.

Meg Whitman (New York Mets Owner)- She has the experience after pouring a shitload of money into a losing proposition.

Carl Paladino (Hitting Coach)- He has perfected the walk-off.

Dan Onorato (Meteorologist)- He has the vibe of a weather man. And this way, he can only screw up my weekend plans.

Tom Emmer (Minnesota Vikings Wide Receiver)- He can be every bit as disinterested as Randy Moss when it comes to catching the football.

Charlie Crist (Telemarketer)- He’s going to wake you up with a phone call, and an offer you can most definitely refuse.

Rick Perry (President of the United States . . in the 24 movie)- He would bring honor back to the fictional oval office of the recently retired television series. 24 fans have been yearning for a Presidential-like President ever since David Palmer was killed off.

Jack Conway (Late Night Host on TBS)- He would follow Lopez Tonight, who was demoted to midnight for Conan. And Conway would deserve a one o’clock time slot after losing to Rand Paul.

And not for nothing, but I estimate that I have collected approximately twenty eight pounds worth of political mailers over the past month. I plan on making a coffee table with it.

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