If you AskMen, they don’t have a clue

No. No. No. No. No.

Is the online magazine AskMen serious? Do they have any idea what they’re doing? Is it possible to be more clueless? Inept? Blind?

Answers above.

Their Top 99 list of mamas and shakers was meant to be comprehensive. Which helps to explain the proliferance of goth and lit chicks, the stay at homers, the Queens in waiting, the former Hooters gals, etc. This does not make up for the complete lack of real sexy going on. How in the hell is Blake Lively the champion? And Mila Kunis the runner up? Did the erectile college completely forget the Alamo or something?

And another thing. I have a problem with the auto industry standard that has been applied to the opposite sex, where every model has to conform to the other cause men say so. We lost curves and smoke to that bargain, boys.

Anyways. I’ve hijacked a few babes off that nonsensical ninety-nine. My prerequisites were quite simple. They had to actually look like women. Too many of the girls in the 99 appear as if they’ve just come off the set of some Disney Channel show. I mean, Keeley Hazell at number 25 is a cute little creation but I won’t even post her picture here for fear it’s some kind of Dateline sting.

I decided to rig together a list based on food rather than numbers. Romantic-like. I channeled a food for each woman on my list . . . something I would eat with them, on them, for them. Call it the science in my pants.

Kate Beckinsale- Rice Pudding with Passion Fruit

Scarlett Johansson- Lemon Ricotta Soufflé

Christina Hendricks- Salmon Trout Tartare with Caviar

Beyonce- Molten Chocolate Cake with Raspberry Filling

Alicia Keys- New York Strip with Tarragon Sauce

Marion Cotillard- Truffle-Infused French Onion Soup

Halle Berry- Bittersweet Chocolate Truffles

Jessica Pare-Pistachio Brittle Cheesecake

And one last thing. Did AskMen sink the boat with their curious omission of Vera Farmiga?

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. And fucking A.

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4 thoughts on “If you AskMen, they don’t have a clue

  1. Yeah…..I think I could right that ship with a little luck and the right people. Of course, I would need to bring in someone who was a people person and an enforcer all in one. You would be my first choice.

  2. Yet again…… You stun me with your writing ….. I have so little interest in celebrity and sport that I understand little of what you write …yet I enjoy it immensely. I didn’t know what askmen was… I looked and saw a series of images of ‘attractive women’…Hmmm tell me when did smiling go out of fashion?

    • Rowland, it’s not often that someone refers to me as stunning. At least not in a positive way. And don’t be fooled by the hook AskMen uses to lure you in. It’s the same strategy used by gentleman’s clubs- The pretty girls own you with a smile, after which you spend way more time than you should and accomplish absolutely nothing.

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