Hello, I Must Be Going

How hard is it to say hello?

I must do it a thousand times a day. Okay, that’s exaggeration . . it just feels as if I’m saying it a thousand times a day. As it is, I say it frequently and to the very same people I said it to the day before. I’ll say it to them again today, and tomorrow and in perpetuity or until my employer finds out about the funds I’ve been funneling into an off shore account. Okay, that’s wishful thinking. Sorry but pensions aren’t what they used to be.

This hello business wasn’t always so easy for me. In grade school it was frightening, junior high as well. By the time High School rolled around I had discovered the wonders of a girl and thankfully this gave me the chutzpah to advance an audible greeting to people who counted on such a thing. It took me years to figure out that saying hello was a daily requirement and not a once and done proposition.

From there to here, I’ve honed the greeting and made it my own. As a person for whom social anxiety disorder was a constant companion, I do appreciate my ability to come with it . . as silly as this may seem to those of you who can be forthcoming at the snap of a finger. It took years to feel comfortable about such a seemingly innocuous gesture, but I’m there.

So for the life of me, I can’t understand those of my colleagues who insist on the Iron Curtain routine when it comes to saying hello. There are a couple of abstainers in this crowd. Now, I understand as well as anyone how inconvenient and superfluous this hello idea is, but I do it because I want to be a part of society for the foreseeable future. Which means until Adam Sandler becomes President and tabs Snookie for VP.

I say hello, you say hello.We move on. It doesn’t have to mean anything- sort of like tic tacs. But it must be done because those are the mandates of the world we’re spinning around inside of. You don’t have to like me, that’s fine. It’s a good bet I don’t like you either. But we have to do this thing. It’ll only take a second. Literally.

As far as public service announcements are concerned, this is as close to one as I’ll ever get.

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