Arod’s poker face is bush league

Steroids wasn’t enough?

Seriously speaking, I imagined all kinds of scenarios for punching A-Rod out of a major league lineup. Injuries were a no duh proposition, so his stint on the DL came as little surprise to me. As a Yankees fan, I welcomed the vacation from this Me, Myself and I hound dog. Cause if anything it meant the rest of the team would have some time to make up ground on Boston, which they’ve been doing since he went rehabbing.

I figured maybe he would be caught selling lost footage pirated copies of Something about Mary on eBay after he found a stash in Cameron’s closet. Or maybe he’d be punished for injecting Propecia directly into his overgrown noggin rather than by the preferred oral method. There was always the possibility he would beat Derek Jeter senseless for having the audacity to take the focus off his sexy profile.

Maybe he’d be suspended for keeping a Bengal tiger in his NYC pad. Or hey, what about for feeding his neighbors to the overgrown cat. He could have faced severe punishment for doing 125 mph in Times Square, on New Years Eve. And there was always the chance he’d Svengali a member of the US soccer team with a tawdry text pic of his south pole.

A performance enhancing device? Hell, it was almost a given he’d go back to dabbling if only for the walk down memory lane.

But gambling wasn’t a possibility. Getting caught with his pants down and his hands up in a prohibition style gambit with rock stars and movie icons? Come . . . on! There’s no way he’d be caught doing that! Not again. Not after he’d already been put on notice for such a thing many moons and tens of millions of dollars ago.

A-Rod may not be a rocket scientist, but he wasn’t going down that notorious road Michael Jordan made famous back in the mid ’90s. Back when MJ was playing million dollar holes with his golf buddies for a good eighteen. I’m not even going to bring up Pete Rose . . . just because.

Make no mistake as to why Michael Jordan retired back in ’93. It wasn’t because Ray Kinsella had convinced him to ditch any thoughts of a four peat for some down home minor league gumbo. It was because Michael Jordan was going to be suspended for gambling heavy and hard.

Major league players who gamble this way have to understand the implicit consequence. And here’s where A-Rod goes clueless for what seems like the 3,000 time.

How else to explain his knack for dialing up Tyler Durden while pretending to be warming up for a possible return to the Yankees. A team, by the way, that is paying him plenty ’nuff to cover this whole debt debacle in Washington in about twenty minutes time.

He’s got a problem, a big one. No other way to figure this thing. And as a Bronx born Yankee follower, it almost pains me to say this but, MLB has got to suspend him for the rest of the season.

I guess creating your own pain is synonymous with the human condition. So let’s batter up and double down.

 

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