Football is Fourever

My football pals have been hard at work pulverizing my serenity in these last legs of summer.

When it comes to sports, I’m only as good as a baseball conversation. With only a topical knowledge of Fantasy Football and free agent craziness, I’m clueless as to the hullabaloo.

The Colts sign Peyton Manning again.The Raiders threaten to move to LA again. The Cleveland Browns look destined for the basement again. The Eagles and Jets are talking Super Bowl again. The Green Bay Packers actually look like Super Bowl winners, again.

Boooooring.

This laymen has his take, after which I will attempt to ignore football like the plague until it’s time to order a big sandwich for the Super Bowl. What the game needs right about now is a shot in the arm, or in this instance an arm which is pretty well shot. They need Brett Favre to come back . . . again.

Like the swallows to Capistrano, like American Idol returning for another lackluster season. Brett Favre comebacks have become synonymous with August like Leo the Lion. It is the new end of summer ritual. You can wear your whites after Labor Day, but you can’t purchase your team jersey until you know where Favre is gonna land.

Brett Favre comes back every year. It’s what he was born to do, and nowadays it is what he does best. So what if he’s not what he used to be? Neither is Harrison Ford and he’s still out there kicking ass on bad guys. If Ford can wear a Fedora in 2011, Favre can wear a football helmet.

Brett Favre should go swimming with the Dolphins. It would add a sense of propriety and a dash of logic to the real world  since that’s where everyone used to go when they retired before the economy went away.

He can televise a “Decision” show on ESPN- a la Lebron James. The show would be held in an old age home with Regis as host. And then Brett could break it to us, as if we didn’t already know.

“In this fall . . . this isn’t tough at all . . . I’m going to take my high waist Wranglers to South Beach and play for the Miami Dolphins.” And then they can sign Brett to a lifetime contract. That way he can retire and play at the same time. Forever.

Until this happens, spare me the “Football is back!” nonsense. Football isn’t back until Favre is back there with it.

Just ask John Madden.

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2 thoughts on “Football is Fourever

  1. I am the watcher on the walls. I am the shield that guards the realms of men. I pledge my life and honor to the Favre Watch, for this night and all nights to come.

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