Sucks to say my last trinket from Old Blue Eyes’ Summer Wind happens to be a cold. Outside of poison rashes, bug bites and lobster skin, a summer cold is one of the very worst things about summer. It’s one thing to catch a cold once the sun has been downsized. But when it hits you while the thermometer is still warm and fuzzy? Not fair.
Regardless of the season, I steer clear of NyQuil altogether since it’s the closest I’ve ever come to dropping acid. NyQuil throws me into a wormhole the likes of which Bob Geldof mimed his way through in Pink Floyd. The pay off doesn’t match the likelihood I’ll wake up hairless. Not since I dated a highly possessive Irish girl with trust issues have I been this leery of the color green.
The hallucinations are sinister. Like, one time I imagined that Albert Pujols of the St. Louis Cardinals was trying to kill me. Which is as close as I ever wanna come to being a Cubs fan. And the nightmares are even worse. Last time I tossed some NyQuil, I dreamt that I was married to George Clooney and we lived next door to Tom Cruise and Inmate # 74563267- otherwise known as Katie Holmes. George was actually kinda cool. He loved cuddling and fondue nights. But I would rather live next door to a gang of ninjas who ran a meth lab than be neighbors with Tom Cat.
Here’s an interlude so’s I can go shower and pray. My top five common cold flicks. Wacky, ridiculous, hopeless. Cause I can relate to that stuff . . .
1- You Kill Me
2– The Big Lebowski
3– Nacho Libre
4– The Blues Brothers
5– Raising Arizona
There is a paradoxical effect to my colds. When I’m sick, I get healthy. As in no smokes or alcohol. My habits are cleaner than Mitt Romney’s diary. And the thing is? I don’t even miss ’em when I’m sick. Which, I happen to think, is pretty sick.
As far as foods go, my common cold rock star is Miso soup. Hot and sour soup with white rice is another keeper. I have the tried and true comforts of baked oatmeal and chicken pot pie. And I go strong on the fruits and honey, usually melding them together in a cold salad and topping them with crushed pecans, cashews and almonds.
My common cold pantry runs counter to the every day after this. It’s the only time in which I crave pickles, cucumber sandwiches, Coca Cola, boneless hot wings, Italian ices, Chips Ahoy, french toast sticks and Orangesicles.
I was business as usual today being that I am a miserable SOB when I have a cold and misery needs lots of company. And what’s more, I’ve filled my quota for colds in 2011. And what’s more than that? I just caught a preview of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. The cast looks solid except for one little problem. I’m not feeling this rebooted Lisbeth Salander at all. If nothing else, it made me forget about my cold for a couple of minutes.