I’ve had flings that lasted longer than this marriage

Fun Kardashian Fact- The “Trial of the Century”, in which Robert Kardashian served as legal defense for OJ Simpson, lasted 248 days. Or . . three times longer than daughter Kim’s marriage.

I didn’t consult the Vegas books for the over/under on 2K’s marriage to that guy. But I’m guessing I could’ve made a few bucks by going with 72 days. Even in this cynical world of Dr. Drew, where divorce rates are higher than Cheech and Chong . . . the under would’ve been set at three months, easily.

This episode of “Meet and Briefly Marry a Kardashian” was the car accident we should’ve seen coming. Figure this . . .

A) Kris Whats his Name Kardashian isn’t getting paid thanks to the NBA lockout, which means his minimum monthly payment for the old Discover card is up to a robust $3,129,435. Kim wasn’t willing to bust open her penny jar to cover it.
B) She was bored with his myriad of insecurities. After all, she’s Kim Kardashian and he’s . . . not.
C) He was a dick.
D) Kim will not suffer another dick in her household. Bruce is plenty ’nuff.

My opinion? She would have been better off marrying Derek Jeter. Hell, if Kris Hannity can fetch a 17 mil nuptial party, can you imagine what the future Yankee Hall of Famer would’ve hauled in? Low end, they would have been able to buy the LA Dodgers with it.

Top Five Better Gets for Kim K:
1- Jeter
2- Reggie Bush- I thought they were destined to be married three or four times.
3- Miles Austin- He needs her right now. The ‘Boys are 3-4!
4- George Clooney- He’s handsome, rich, and doesn’t need her. They would’ve made for a super sexy duo. And they would’ve lasted at LEAST a year.
5- Gary Busey- He wouldn’t have been able to understand her when she told him it was over, and she wouldn’t have been able to understand him when he told her that he only married her in order to add to his severed head collection.

Alas, this union was all about true love. TMZ truly loved it . . . sister Khloe did too . . . the wedding planner? At $20,000 high hard ones an hour, what do you think? And don’t forget E! . . . Kris Humperdinck certainly won’t, since the network is currently his only source of income.

Kim ain’t going to let any grass grow under her magnificently pedicured toes, and bully for her. She’s a good kid. Sure, she was given a fantastic head start on life, but you know what? She grew something with it. She didn’t snort it away or go jailing on holiday. She’s high maintenance and then some, but she is also a genuinely sweet person in a land of phonies. Much sweeter than that trivial pursuit answer of a soon to be ex husband.

Keep busting ass Kimmy. And don’t be so quick to the altar next time, girlfriend. Ain’t no man worth all that drama.

Okay, 3 vids cause she’s worth it. The first one is my guilty pleasure car song. The second is a real thing spell from back in the day. And the third one might have saved this girl some time. Hey, just saying.

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