When words escape you . . welcome to Twitter

I decided to join Twitter.

Perhaps it was out of some unspoken desire to scream in miniature. Maybe it was because I feel that brevity IS Godliness and Twitter has finally presented me with the platform I’ve been dreaming of. Then again, maybe I just had nothing better to do and five minutes worth of time to do it in.

Twitter is where non-sequiturs go to die; quickly and exponentially. Imagine a place where everyone speaks in bumper sticker . . where greeting cards seem verbose . . where you get all the news that’s print in fits . . where Ashton Kutcher is Tolstoy.

The micro-blogging blue bird bingo set is allowed up to 140 characters with which to wax metaphysical. Woody Allen movies contain more characters than that. In fact, if this were a Tweet

(Sorry, that was Twitter humor.)

Twitter Quick Quiz: What do these statements have in common?

The comedian Jim Gafigan was once in the witness protection program for making fun of PETA . . Adam Richman is secretly a vegetarian . . Chelsea Peretti once dated Jose Canseco without his knowledge . .Kim Kardashian goes to church . .

If you said they were all ridiculous, give yourself a point. If you said they were all false excepting for Kim Kardashian going to church, you’re on Twitter.

I’m tallying a grand total of 3 followers on Twitter. A guy named Rob who is into gadgets, the witty wordsmith Simone Benedict (to whom I owe the inspiration for this post), and someone named Inge. I don’t think Inge is a real person, but I’m leaving it be since three followers is, like, way more impressive. Than two.

Presently, Twitter is a weekend indulgence for me. There’s only so much Chad Ochocinco knowledge I can digest before a lobotomy needs to happen. Once I get cracking though, Lady Gaga best watch out.

Well, if I had twenty million years maybe. Because that’s how many followers the Empress of Excess is toting around. Wow, Twitter has discovered a way in which Lady 2G can leave even less to the imagination. That’s pretty Machiavellian of ’em, don’t ya think?

Eh, it’s all good. Considering as how the White House is only half as popular as Lady G Sport (they have 10 million followers). Good going on that whole priority thing, America.  In fact, the only time the White House gets any real buzz on its Twitter page is when it decides to “Rick Roll” its followers.

If you’re not familiar with this Rick Roll business (I wasn’t), it’s pretty simple (stupid) actually. You provide a teaser in the form of a link and when the person clicks on it, they are ambushed with the Rick Astley musical embolism, “Never Gonna Give You Up”. The White House twitter page blew up thanks to this stunt. Which begs the question, how can Syria top that?

The only reason I’m leaving my Twitter page here is ’cause I trust the good people who follow this blog not to make fun of me.  I’m new to this whole Twitter thing, but I’m learning.

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11 thoughts on “When words escape you . . welcome to Twitter

  1. Twitter can be as scary as blogging itself is, if not more. Personally, I enjoy how it challenges you to write something meaningful, witty or constructive while imposing a limit. It’s a lot like blogging, except you really have to trim a bunch of fat to get to that golden quote that may inform someone, make them laugh or maybe even smile.

  2. So funny! I love your tweet!
    Now that you are an official Tweep, you have got to put your share buttons on your blog…FB, Twitter….Dude come on…
    Off to tweet this…….

  3. Check your tweets! You should be off to a good start tonight. I tweeted you to my followers.
    If you have any questions let me know. It is a great place to connect with other writers and to blog whore your posts as well as your faves. Check out my tweets. @susielindau

  4. …and check out mine @fantasyfurnace We haven’t been at it that long either; probably around 3-4 months but hope you like some of the stuff we tweet.

    Where can we follow you?

  5. I’m glad to see you on Twitter. Thank you for the credit on the inspiration. Mercysakesalive though you do great all on your own so I can’t wait to read your tweets and watch your followers grow. Great post!

  6. Hey Fantasy, I am following you. I just sent you a tweet this morning. I am @caymanthorn for anyone who’s interested in joining the brigade. And I’ll catch ya on the other side.

    Simone- I think you’re right, it IS like a CB! This might be more fun than I was willing to admit. Oh, and I sent you a tweet this morning. That first try was a direct message as it turns out. Ironing out the kinks…that might just be some fun too.

  7. Ha..I have I think like 30 followers and I am pretty sure only a few of them are real people but I’m not deleting them. Twitter will delete them eventually but in the meantime I have some followers!! 🙂

  8. Sara- Remember the good old days when people who talked to themselves in public were crazy and you called the cops on people who followed you? This world ain’t that one, is it?

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