I’ve always been partial to apartment living, so the coziness of this East Side hangout and its 21,000 square feet of living space suits me just fine. Hey, as a bachelor, I must consider the efficacy of small spaces as they relate to my housecleaning duties.
The first thing I would do after closing on these digs would be to call up Jay-Z, Derek Jeter, ‘Hil and Bill, and Nora Ephron . . . tell them to bring some friends to my housewarming party- which would commence at midnight sharp. I’d ask Jeter to bring Bobby V along for his great baseball stories, since he’s going to have a lot of time on his hands if the days don’t start getting better in a hurry (Boo-yah!).
Next, I would beg, borrow and steal Tobin Ellis for a few precious hours of his master mixology lessons. I would dial up Rays pizza and order enough for the entire neighborhood. Check that, I’d just buy a Rays pizza (the one at 856, 8th Ave) and move it into my kitchen.
All that done, I’d work on the feng shui of that living room.
Sheathing the far wall with a movie screen-sized plasma since I really don’t need eight fireplaces. I’d buy me a few more of those snazzy jazzy sofas and place them around the perimeter, then I’d stick that table down in the basement (or put it on Craigslist), and relocate the chandelier to the bedroom where it belongs. Of course, I’m assuming the furniture is included in the price tag; otherwise I’m not paying a penny over 80 mil.
Then it’s Wiffle ball time. And my lineup has Carmelo, Kathy Griffin, Jeter, Strahan and Bobby Flay going for it. Over the ocean blue sofas is a homer, hitting the marble busts, an automatic out. Batter up, homies!
Hey, I like to have some fun with my fiction, coo?
There was this girl I used to run with a few years ago. She could write the moon into your backyard with the characters she brought to life as if by alchemy, and I lean on her example all the time. Her thoughts on writing fiction were many and varied, but it’s the one of simplest design which always moves me best.
“Writing fiction is like fishing in a pond full of dreams.”