Hence, my predictions on the NBA semifinals have nothing to do with starting lineups, bench depth or coaching. Nope, I’m basing it solely on cool. Never mind we’re a couple games in, my picks are ALL about turntables, hard looking shades and sharp suits.
In other words? Righteousness.
Heat vs Pacers- Miami has arguably the best player in the game in LeBron, who just won his third MVP. That’s cool. They have D. Wade, who can take over the fourth quarter, which is cool. They have Riley as Team Prez, and he is Mr. Cool. Okay, so LeBron’s collection of monikers- LBJ, The Chosen One, King James- is far more extensive than his title rings . . not so cool.
The Pacers once had Reggie Miller. He wasn’t as cool as his big sister, Cheryl. But Reggie was cool shit, with that three point arc gone moon landing on the nine times outta pressure packed ten.
Bottom Line . . . The Heat win cause they play on South Beach and the Pacers, do not.
76ers vs Celtics- Dr. J used to hold airshows at the old Spectrum. Coolness. Squared and back. After which Moses Malone came within one “Fo” of correctly predicting a sweep of the postseason, which was Nostradamus cool. Allen Iverson put the ’01 squad on his back and got them all the way to the finals, which was way cool. And with Larry Brown preaching practice the entire way? Old school cool.
Historically, the Celts have been so uncool that it’s actually made them cool. Russell was cool money, and Havilcek was cool touch. Bird and those ’80s Celts were cool killers who always seemed to be in the finals with guys named Cornbread and Chief. That was cool.
Bottom Line . . . The Sixers win since my girlfriend is from Philly. Cool?
Clippers vs Spurs- This is future cool- Blake Griffin and Chris Paul- vs past cool- The “Ice Man”, the Alamo, 4 titles.
Bottom Line . . . Donald Sterling owns the Clippers. Not cool. Spurs win.
Lakers vs Thunder- Have the Lakers ever NOT been cool? Even when they hailed from Minny, they had Mikan- who was so uncool that he was actually quite cool. The Lakers are Wilt and West, the Showtime of Magic and Riles. Shaq and Kobe booking with the Zen Master. It’s really not fair.
The Thunder was borne of the Seattle Supersonics, which is Disco Lemonade Cool. They have Kevin Durant, who is the coolest guy in the room simply because he doesn’t try to be. They have James Harden, whose constantly changing appearance has a witness protection vibe, which is very cool.
Bottom Line . . . How can a team from OKC beat the “Showtime 2.0” Lakers in terms of cool? Easy, Ron Artest plays for the Lakers. Thunder roll.