Dear Maxim, Your “Hot” List is Ice Cold

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, and it must be time for Maxim’s annual Hot 100.

And for Maxim, I use fool liberally since they make it so damned easy to do so. Last year’s Hot? Not so much, considering their omission of the lovely and talented Vera Farmiga from the list.  A low ranking would have been grievous enough, but Farmiga-cide? I couldn’t wrap my head around the idea that Katy Perry, Mila Kunis and Megan Fox could crack the top 20 and yet, Farmiga didn’t even rate for their top 100? Well guess what happened this year? Bad . . met worse.

Perry, Kunis and Fox all cracked the top 10 while Vera was given the milk carton treatment. Again.

Here’s the deal . . if Nickelodeon magazine came up with this list, I could understand. Cause that’s where Perry, Kunis, Fox and most of the girls found in the top 100 belong. Tucked in between Skittle cupcake recipes and Angry Bird cheat codes. And do you know why they belong there? Because they ARE girls. When it comes to the predominance of pups on this list, there’s no need to take my word for it. Simply consider that Amanda Bynes, Selena Gomez, Emma Watson and Miley Cyrus made the cut. After which they went to the mall to celebrate.

Maxim’s story is that they democratized the voting process this year. And I’m guessing all the kids who just finished watching the High School Musical marathon on Disney crashed the virtual polling boxes at the same time. Yeah, uh huh. Sure. Get Chris Hansen from Dateline’s To Catch a Predator over to Maxim headquarters, stat!

This isn’t some middle aged rant. This is a pissed off, bitterly disappointed and completely disillusioned middle-aged rant by someone who happens to be a huge fan of Vera Farmiga. She’s a classic beauty whose got more grace and style in her back pocket than most of these “Hot”ties could buy through the most expensive PR firm.

In fairness, the list did score some hot mamas- Kate Beckinsale, Zoe Saldana, J-Lo, Charlize Theron and Christina Hendricks. But it’s not nearly good enough, not without Vera it ain’t.

As if all this wasn’t stupid enough, Maxim went and added insult to injury by lampooning its Hot 100 – – allowing Stephen Colbert, Lois from Family Guy and Amanda Knox’s (mug shot?) to crash the party. As if we really needed to be reminded that this list was a joke in the first place.

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14 thoughts on “Dear Maxim, Your “Hot” List is Ice Cold

  1. I love you man! This rant is ravishing and I DO indeed agree. Not that I am as hot for Farmiga as you are but I do think fashion and its cult magazine accomplices are bowing and licking to the under 25 age groups crack…no wait..ARE they even old enough to drink yet?

    Should we organize a picket line outside of their offices Cayman?

  2. Thanks K, that is a huge compliment from the Queen of all things Style.
    Vera is my poster woman for this blog-rant. Woman being the operative word here. I mean, we have an entire generation that has no blessed idea as to the meaning of Helen Reddy’s roar. Audrey Hepburn’s time can’t be up! She- like woman- is timeless!
    As far as the picket line, It’s gonna be hard to organize a picket line around Maxim HQ, what with all the school buses shuttling in and out of the place.

    • Handsome, I’m doing everything I can. Buhleeve me. But since I can only assign one person- myself- to the case, it’s tough. Not to mention the fact that my girlfriend knows how to handle a gun. So my Vera investigation is gonna move along, carefully. Very . . carefully.

  3. Pretty funny stuff. Sometimes I look at these magazines and think … this is what they think is hot? But I’m a chick so my perspective is different, glad I wasn’t out there in left field.

    • Maybe some of my anger is based on the fact that I have a teenage daughter, I’ll admit. But the truth is, I’ve always been a fool for older women. Not that Vera is old by any stretch of the imagination. My problem is, I’ve always preferred my women to be, well . . . women.

  4. Funny! I do recall you mentioning Vera several times before that when I see her on TV, I think of you!! (Colbert is so not funny. I can’t figure out why they give him air time.)

    • Petal, I seriously dig the chica. And I’m going to put this out there now, since I did it with Jeff Bridges (Who happens to be my favorite actor). Vera is going to score an Oscar in the next five years. Book it. Even if I have to write the script.

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