Tapping your feet to get home doesn’t work if you’re staying on a horse farm . . .

Well, the Henry Beston Experience was real.

I had a lot of fun over the last few days. Experienced a ‘Zen moment’ with my writing at some time after nine o’ clock on Monday night. I can’t rightly say how much of it was Zen and how much of it was assisted by some friendly drinks, but hey, Hemingway never bothered himself with percentages.

The nature part of the deal? Well, let’s just say I’m never going to be mistaken for an outdoorsman. Not unless they move the outdoors inside, and well, that wouldn’t count. Anyways, here are some quick thoughts and observations from the half week that was . . .

. . . Bees are not fazed by screaming. In fact, if I didn’t know better, I’d think the little bastards really get off on it.

. . . There’s living in the country, and then there’s living in the country, where each moment evokes a spine tingling passage from Truman Capote’s “In Cold Blood” . . . I much prefer option number one.

. . . Horses remind me of my children- at age four. They are temperamental creatures whose beauty is oftentimes undermined by their inability to wait or listen to your instructions. The only difference being, you can’t just send a child who weighs half a ton off to a timeout during a trail ride. Unless you have a kickass pair of hiking boots.

. . . You know the old saying “Don’t shit where you eat?”. Horses didn’t get the memo on that one.

. . . Can you get away with using the term “Roughing it”, if the place where you’re staying doesn’t have internet access but does have central air and DirecTV? I’m just kidding . . . I already know the answer to that one. Of course!

. . . Can you call AAA if your four-wheeler runs out of gas? It didn’t happen, I was just wondering.

. . . If the tick examinations I gave myself would’ve been any more thorough . . . I would have pressed charges against myself.

. . . I achieved my goal of not getting poison ivy! I can’t help but think I was setting the bar on this retreat just a little low.

And as far as Phineas Clemente is concerned, I just posted part five. Hope you like.


16 thoughts on “Tapping your feet to get home doesn’t work if you’re staying on a horse farm . . .

  1. Hemingway without percentages? Too funny. Bees not being fazed by screaming. OH MY GOD, you had me cracking up here with your vacation tid-bits Good post. 🙂

  2. Dangit! I thought you’d come off the horse farm as a horse whisperer Buck Brannaman kind of guy. But, am grateful for your zen/hemingway epiphany deal! Thanks for the laughs, Cayman. Glad you had a good time.

    • Admittedly, a lot of self deprecation was used in the making of this post. I can handle myself just fine in the great outdoors. But the bees, well . . . that’s some embarassing shit. I’m so pathetic when I see those little buggers.

  3. Your outs a doorsy experience was good for you…and I’m quite sure your horse knew you weren’t much of a fan (hahahaha) but as far as the bee’s…next time they chase me I’ll try whispering.

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