In Twinkies Passing, I Have No Defense

I grew up thinking Twinkies to be the perfect breakfast food . My formative years were spent deconstructing the dietary establishment and ruining my appetite for the food pyramid. Twinkies were my first real venture into the world of processed snack foods with high octane sugar content.

Okay, so Twinkies are one of those things most of us have lived without since growing up. Such is the fate of genius that we take it for granted until  it’s on the last bus to Van Gogh. A rebirth under a different company name might yet happen, but it won’t be the same.

I was blessed to have grown up in the burgeoning junk food triumphal. As life got more fast paced, snacks moved away from the antiquities of vitamins and minerals; replaced with every variety of chip, soda, candy and confectionery delight. As a result, nutritionists became a growth job sector and dentists became real estate mavens. New terms were added to the American vernacular, such as plus size and unfortunately, childhood diabetes. I credit my Cuban heritage for having circumvented these pitfalls.

As a boy, Mama tried her best, but I possessed a deft hand when it came to smuggling the golden sponge cake with the heavenly velvet filling out of the house on many a morning. Wheaties and oatmeal were typical fare inside the early rush, but they never turned me on the way a Twinkie could. The deceit of stealing one of those morning glories to the stairwell and making quick work of it was surpassed only by the sugar rush which fueled my walk to school.

It’s hard to believe that Twinkies have a shelf life after all. That they might succumb to the mortal coils which ensnared auto-mats, cheese fondue and dinners at the Five and Ten. Maybe I should have shown it some love as an adult, rather than turning my back on the thing that gave me so much of it through my childhood. Maybe if I had carried that pack a day habit forward, I wouldn’t be having this conversation. But isn’t it always the case of not knowing what you’ve got until it’s too late for crying?

Oh well. We’ll always have breakfast.

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22 thoughts on “In Twinkies Passing, I Have No Defense

  1. Love this Cayman! I should have written something about it since I was probably named after the Suzy-Q but they tell me I was really named after my great grand mother. I don’t believe them…
    Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family!

  2. Colorado- Twinkies are going on eBay for more money than iPods, gotta love it. I think I’ve called you Suzy Q once or twice, haven’t I? Hey, Happy Thanksgiving to you as well.

  3. I must admit that I was a Twinkie addict in my own right. Fortunately I gave them up when I realized that they went right to my arteries! Ding Dongs was another treat that I really could have done without but these two ‘snacka’ were just too good!
    Like Susie, I too would like to wish you and your family a very happy Thanksgiving!

  4. A most amazing tribute, Mr Thorn. Someone told my oldest about the end of the Twinkie. He said, “Ok, what’s a Twinkie?”

    Hooray! At much I have failed in my quest to be a good mom, but on this one thing, this one thing, I have shielded my child from the evil badness of Twinkies, Ho-Ho’s, Ding Dongs, and all that. (He mixes a mean middle schooler drink tho. 1 can Mountain Dew, 1 can orange Starkist, and 1 tablespoon sugar. Slllla-min!)

    • Ms Simone- The boy had NO idea what a Twinkie was? Wow! You really deserve to be nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize for that one. Ay, but that drink of his would keep me up till next Tuesday. I much prefer the idea of some moonshine.

    • Deadeye- I removed your Simone Benedict link on account of your Deadeye address, was that alright? Sorry, when it comes to blog etiquette, I suck. It’s really a microcosm of my real life self, where rules and me don’t get along so good.

  5. Great tribute to a worthy honoree. My wife loved Twinkies as a kid, but craved the deep-fried one as an adult …. which she finally had at a local festival. Nonetheless, I think they will survive!

  6. I knew if I stopped by here you would cheer me up. Twinkies. Dude I used to love the creme filling, but I have to admit I loved the chocolate Hostess cupcakes more than the Twinkies 🙂 And I love that clip. I never saw that movie buy Woody is too funny. Thanks for the laugh.

    • Cali Girl- I’m with you on the cupcakes, they were outrageous. I don’t do the snowballs, although I do have a cutesy romantic (as in gag me with a spoon) memory of them. I dated a girl from Vermont some years ago and we would engage in “Snowball” fights through the mail. My dog was quite sorry when that relationship ended.

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