Champion Annoyances Inside the Weak that Was

AnnoyedSince I never run out of stuff that annoys me, I decided to keep it current.

Big (Star)bucks Coffee- From the chain that took coffee and made it desert comes more insult inside these injurious economic times. They’re rolling out a 7 dollar cup of coffee that would make Williams Sonoma-nites blanch. Way to be considerate, Starbucks!

The Math of Miley Cyrus Hair- The girl is twenty years old, yet she has sported more hairstyles than most women will wear in a lifetime. She’s done the Sheryl Crow, the Marlo Thomas “That Girl” reprise, the Swiss Miss, Moussed Mouseketeer, Next Gen Jen, Barbarella, Goldie Lockup, Living Dead Girl and a bleached up Billy Kwan . . among others. The fact that I know this is what annoys me.

Demi Moore’s College Tour- Demi gets sexier all the time and Ashton is a schmuck for dumping her for Little Miss Tuffett, but unless I’m dating Demi, I ain’t emotionally invested in her love life. Besides, I’m twenty years north of being her type.

Best CFB Conference Nonsense- The truth of the matter is that the best conference is the one where all the suits get together to decide on the next big money grab. I can’t take the best conference jive seriously when the top teams are decided by vote. If major league baseball were to adopt this, the Yankees and Reds would’ve met in the World Series. Hey . . maybe it’s not such a bad system after all . .

Enjoyable Intermezzio: Thanks to my vegetarian summer and the death of my plantar injury, I dropped that cranky ten pounds I had been lugging around for the past half decade. And thanks to this picture of Derek Jeter, I’ma keep on running through the winter. As a Yankees fan, I should be ashamed for rejoicing with Sawx fans, but I gotta admit, that photograph inspires the hell out of me.

Angus Jones in “All Apologies”- The only thing more ridiculous than Jones’ ‘filthy’ rant about a show he’s made big coin on was his pathetic “If I offended anyone . .” apology. So I prayed for Rainn, and my prayers were answered.

Champagne Wishes and Powerball Dreams- Whenever the lottery haul starts moving into A-Rod territory, we’re inundated with live remotes from convenience stores, where intrepid reporters pull unwitting victims aside to ask the multi-million dollar question . . . What would you do if you won all that money?

The only purpose of these interviews is to introduce us to the first losers of Powerball since the odds of winning Powerball after being interviewed about Powerball stand at Not a chance in hell! So if you happen to be standing in line the next time Powerball goes silly drunk and a reporter asks for a few minutes of your time, mug that reporter because it’s as close as you’re going to get to making any money out of the trip.


6 thoughts on “Champion Annoyances Inside the Weak that Was

  1. Glad that you no longer are being held prisoner by those nasty five pounds. Props! As for Derek, it’s a travesty of mammoth proportions that a man, just 5 weeks removed from a broken ankle and subsequent surgery, who was rendered virtually homebound and unable to exercise, put a few extra pounds around his mid-section and had now become more tabloid fodder than Lindsay Lohan shopping in Beverly Hills with the cameras turned off while chugging Vodka Gimlets!

    • Fantasy Man- I’m really seething about this tabloidization of Jeter’s “Seven Plus Pounds” sequel to the Will Smith flick. But I gotta admit, I have this picture emblazoned in my brain for a winter’s worth of road work that just got a whole lot easier as a result.

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