Lincoln Movie Review (Not Really, But Rant Sounds Childish)

Lincoln-Movie-PicturesMovies about former Presidents are like rainy days and Mondays. They almost always let me down.

Anthony Hopkins seemed a curious choice to play Nixona President who had more angles than Frank Lloyd Wright on a bender; but I was undeterred. Until I saw it, after which I was completely deterred. JFK was proof that real history and cinematic history take mutually exclusive escalators.

W was bizarre, cause he’s still alive. I imagined myself walking out of the theater with him.

“What did you think of the movie, Mr President?”

“I bought a ticket for Anaconda 3, it took me half the Goddamn movie to figure out I was in the wrong theater!”


Lincoln Today
I figured Lincoln would be different since half of Hollywood (the good half) was in it and Spielberg was managing. This guy could direct a porn flick and make the dialogue between the pizza delivery man and the divorcee seem eloquent.

The bet with my son was simple. Where was Spielberg’s first signature flourish going to come in? I set the over/under at ten minutes, to which my son took the under. And won. It was right on the heels of a brilliant opening sequence where Lincoln steals a few moments with a band of Union soldiers. His exchange with a soldier in the colored regiment is powerful stuff; true and logical.

Perfect!  Stop there!

But Spielberg don’t. So he has the black soldier walk off whilst reciting the Gettysburg Address. Spielberg is like a New York cab ride, sans the risk of decapitation via head on collision. You just know he’s gonna get you to your destination, and you’re gonna have a hell of a story on the other side.

And so I did. And now my Presidential flick losing streak has been snapped. I just hope they don’t mess it up with a sequel . . .

My Top Five Damns: 

5. David Strathairn (William Seward) Damn if he never sucks.
4. Sally Field- (Mary Todd) Another Oscar speech. Damn!
3. Daniel Day Lewis- I’d watch him read a damn cereal box.
2. Tommy Lee Jones- (Thaddeus Stevens) He’s serious damn bi’ness.
1. James Spader- (William Bilbo) I didn’t see him coming, but damn.

Lincoln Logs . . .

-Haberdasheries were the Apple stores of that era.
-Wrong Way Sign of the Times? Lindsay Lohan has security detail, Lincoln had none.
-People used to get more dressed up to take a piss than I do to go to work.
-I never understood snuff.
-Pausing before answering in a movie makes you cool. In real life? A liar.
-Movie Mistake Alert!- When Lincoln is speaking to Seward, you can see a camera light in the mirror. And Oscars, if you look closely.
-Tarantino’s ending would’ve guaranteed a sequel.

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14 thoughts on “Lincoln Movie Review (Not Really, But Rant Sounds Childish)

  1. If I could like this twice, I would do it three times over. Went to see the latest Bond flick, nudging out “Lincoln” with a promised return trip this Tuesday to witness the marvelously crafty Daniel Day. Thank you for perpetuating and multiplying the anticipation! Your perspective is respected and delightful.

    • Oooh Katrina- If I had a dollar for every time a woman called my perspective ‘delightful’….well, I’d owe some serious money. I loved the book “Team of Rivals”, but this flick ain’t that. Lincoln is heavy on the abolition of the 13th amendment, I think these actors spent more time on the floors of Congress than our elected officials. The casting was spot on.
      I loved the Bond movie, it’s amazing how they re-invented the franchise with Craig. And Bardem is just something special to watch.

  2. Ok, with your endorsement, I’m really going to have to try to catch this movie.

    Doris Goodwin Kearns Team of Rivals (the source material) was up there with Shelby Footes Narrative Of The Civil War as one of the best Civil War histories I’ve read.
    I really hope Daniel Day Lewis does a good job as Lincoln or I’ll be crushed.

  3. You are such a clever guy. Love the analogy of Nixon & Frank Lloyd Wright, Haven’t seen it yet but love the cast. And your Lincoln Logs? Couldn’t agree more about them all, and will have to check out Spader for myself. Pasa buen dia, amigo!

  4. Petal- Ugh, I hate it when an actor I love (Hopkins) and a topic I love to read about (Nixon) turns into a car accident. As for Spader, he’s truly the most fun movie character I’ve seen in a while. Thanks hermana.

  5. Chiming in late (and probably last) but I saw Lincoln and was disappointed that the entire film was devoted to the passing of one amendment, albeit an important one. I love history and would have loved to have seen more about the overall presidency of Honet Abe. Stirring, superb acting, but too much dialog for me. And I like my movies shaken, NOT stirred…

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