Grits vs Guilt- My Reconstructive Rebuttal

TBDREPH EC005The way Alabama handled me in the first go round, it’s a good thing I wasn’t leading the Union back in the day. But hey. . U Grant was fighting Rebs and whiskey demons, not feminine wiles.

This Joanna, she’s a little bit country to my little bit Rock n’ Roll. Thing is, country is chic, sophisticated and trendy these days. Whereas? Modern rock took the last train to VH-1 Valhalla with Kurt Cobain. Now we got Jack Johnson’s view master logic and kids holding glow-sticks in lieu of butane.

Fact o’ the matter is, I went predictable in Grits vs Guilt and Joanna made me pay. I sponged off music videos, fight songs and Nick Saban forwarding address jokes, while she went old school.

My response? Damned if I know, so here’s a top 10 list . . .

Top 10 reasons the SEC ain’t all that:

#10- The Vols wear Creamsicle and sport a Puppy Chow endzone
#9– The Razorbacks rally cry is the Deliverance mating call
#8- Anything that crosses the goal line is an extra point
#7- Spurrier isn’t a ball coach, he’s a buffet spit shield
#6- The only time they play in snow? PlayStation
#5-  You get more scoring in a monastery than an LSU/Alabama game
#4- Their non-conference schedule is weaker than a Ruby Tuesdays Margarita
#3- Tim Tebow dominated the SEC. I love the guy, but come on
#2- Bobby Petrino is the most prolific passer in conference history
#1-Urban Meyer took his talents . . . to Ohio

And since I really loved her parting shot . . I decided to have a turn at it my damn self. Why am I speaking Alabaman-ese? So here then, an amalgamation of quotes which will tell you where the Notre Dame Fighting Irish came from, where they’re going and what Monday night will look like.

Me, I always tell the truth, even when I lie . Things ain’t what they used to be. Those were the great old days, and we was like the Roman Empire. Time waits for no one, and while I know you can’t turn back the clock, you can wind it up again. It ain’t about how hard ya hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done! Fuckin’ A.

-In order: Tony Montana, Duke Ellington, Frank Pentangeli, the Rolling Stones, Bonnie Prudden,  Rocky Balboa, and of course . . The Dude.

I’m glad for the crimson and clever tidings my lovely opponent gifted me in the lead up. So . . I raise a toast to you, ‘Bama girl, for elucidating the plain and simple truth of the games we love: When our differences serve to bring us together, it’s a good day.


5 thoughts on “Grits vs Guilt- My Reconstructive Rebuttal

  1. It’s JUDGEMENT day.

    Miami. Sun. Sweat. BCS CHAMPIONSHIP GAME. Sounds a little like heaven.
    There will be folks yelling, waving flags, most likely drinking, and in the end..there will be folks crying. Some tears of victory and some tears of defeat. A victory for Notre Dame means they have climbed back on the trick pony after 24 years. A victory for Alabama will be a record 8 in a row SEC national championships, defending their title making it 4 national championships under Saban’s rule. 

    Bama’s lineup has the advantage of experience on this field of intense pressure, attention, and noise but that could mean ND’s men have the advantage of fears’ adrenaline. I have great respect for the ND team…that triple overtime win from behind against Pittsburgh was nothing short of miraculous. I also have to shimmy-up to Alabama and their impressive case of crystal balls. But, this game may not be a deep scoring game. One thing for sure, it will be a game where the nation’s best defensive linemen press noses on the line and fight like mad dogs for a winter’s meal. Let’s look past the defensive play and look at what it’s gonna come down to for a winner’s bone. Two of my favorite players are Te’o and Amari. Notre Dame has the amazing Manti Te’o; a 6’2 255 lb. inside linebacker who is no stranger to winning:  Bednarik, Butkus, Walker Camp..AND he’s on the pro team menu (rumor has it the Steeler’s are licking their chops). Alabama has Amari Cooper; a 6’1 198 lb. wide receiver that has a habit of steeling passes (he, by the way, chose Alabama over…OHIO). Amari is a freshmen who, in the All American grabbed a pass for a 75 yard touchdown and returned a punt for a 93 yd t’down. Oh, and by the way..Amari is somewhat familiar with the Miami area. Quarterback’s are Golson (59% completion) and McCarron (no 2 in nation). But let’s put the stat’s and names aside for sec…in my opinion this game is gonna come down to who can pass, who can steal, who can run. Both teams have prevented scoring from their opponents, it’s not gonna be about’s gonna be about suprises and special teams. Running down the center will just get a pile up of well toned quads and asses…but fakes and last min. chimp jumps down the sidelines…could make the difference…and if all else fails, bring in that skinny kicker. Like my friend Cayman Thorn”anything accross the line counts!” It doesn’t have to pretty at this point. Just score.

    I’m not a fortune teller. I don’t gamble. I have absolutely no idea who should be favored to win. They are both bringing a damn good casserole to the table. For Notre Dame it’s more about making a come-back. For Alabama it’s more about keeping their train rolling. Both teams have honor to gain. Both teams have something to prove. Both have a winning tradition. May the best team win and may the losers lose with the dignity of a champion.

    Are ya ready for some football?

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