That’s the conclusion I came to yesterday afternoon while filling out an NCAA tournament bracket as if it were an Iranian presidential ballot.
Office pool people engage in what I like to call soft communism. Their participation in every conceivable office pool while on the company dime leads to the inevitable slump in productivity; which leads to downsizing, reorganization and eventually, liquidation of all assets. So remember, you’re not winning an office pool. You’re contributing to the fall of capitalism.
Take it from me, once these people dig their red menaced talons into you with their merciless recruiting methods, you’ll be quoting Lenin as if he was a member of the Beatles. Be forewarned, the following exchange can be tough to take if you loved Rocky 4 as much as I did.
“Hey, did you fill out a bracket yet?”
“You want to?”
Evil commie bastards.
As far as college basketball is concerned, it went out of style with preppy jokes, Zubaz pants and Matt Lauer’s hair. This sport has become as irrelevant as Paris Hilton at a Mensa convention.
Back in the day, players stayed in school for four years. This produced the kind of familiarity that breeds both romance and contempt. Head coaches were Rushmore- venerated titans who served as the face of a program. And teams wore two uniforms- home and away. Today? You might as well print the players names on the side of a milk carton, and head coaches are more committed to their sneaker contracts than their programs. As for the uniforms, college basketball teams resemble corporate travel teams.
Soooo . . . I filled out my bracket whilst cursing under my breath, after which I handed over five bucks as if it were kidney stones. It’s the principle of the thing, yanno?
Top 5 better choices for my 5 spot . . .
5-Five Below Gift Card
3-Minority ownership in Miami Marlins
2-Ultimate Matrix Collection on DVD
1-Cap’n Crunch Berry Frap
As for my picks, I chose Louisville and Miami to meet in the title game- the former because The Return of the Living Dead took place there, and the latter because I believe LeBron James is great enough to deliver TWO titles to South Florida this year.
It took me about three minutes to complete my bracket, and this was due to the fact there are more tournament teams than California gubernatorial candidates. I wasn’t as political as President Obama (who went for battleground kiss up), nor as scientific as the ‘experts’.
An opening round sampling? Ooookay . . .
I chose Michigan for their cheerleaders . . I had UNC because Chapel Hill is a cool town . . Notre Dame for the guilt . . I chose Pitt because Dan Marino went there . . I chose against Oregon because I don’t like Phil Knight. And in my upset special, I took Southern U. to beat Gonzaga after I learned that a 16 seed had never defeated a 1 seed in the tournament. (And I came thisclose to being the darling of my office pool when it almost happened).
It doesn’t make me a communist that I had fun with that, does it?