The adult respondents forget what ‘normal’ is supposed to feel like. We’ve gone from hot dates to speed dating . . from vinyl to microchip . . from payphones to Bluetooth . . from Robert Young to Ozzy Osbourne. We brought our TV dinners to the Theater of War. Our Happily Ever After has reconfigured itself more times than a contortionist on muscle relaxants.
My kids live in the age of every clear and present danger brought to life. Born Post- Oklahoma City, they were drawing pictures of planes crashing into buildings when they were in Elementary School. They believe ‘normal’ to be as fictional an idea as Harry Potter. I wouldn’t trade places with them for all the big ideas and high tech gadgetry this age has to offer. Which is just fine with them. Cause they don’t scare easily . . .
. . . And neither does Boston. Hey, these people know how to roll the F-word like nobody’s business. It took Big Papi all of one minute to accomplish what Howard Stern hasn’t been able to pull off in thirty two years!
Here’s the Boston way of Four Lettering it . .
And here is FAIL . .
Yep, it’s time to get back to things. And since I cannot hope to honor the world’s city with the same class as those Londoners did yesterday, I’ll do it my way.
Ya know what they cawl Big Papi’s speech in Baastan? Church! And hey, maybe that pep tawk put some staach in the Celtics pants fah Game 2. You can’t take the last quawtah of the game off, this aint soccah! As fa the Red Sawx? If ya woulda played like this fah Bobby V, he wouldn’t be making wraps at Subway!
Just like riding a bike.
Anyways, once upon a time I wrote for a humor blog. We were big on lists, which is where I get my list habit from. So as promised, here’s my side of Onion.
NBC Exec: Leno’s retirement to work ‘seamlessly’ with hell freezing over
Cavaliers mull relocation to Miami in anticipation of LeBron James free agency
New Study Exposed! Drinking in moderation leaves more for doctors
McDonald’s expresses surprise over not being healthy alternative to plutonium
Fidel Castro’s secret to long life: Buy LOTS of green bananas
Ryan Lochte ends bid to prove he’s more than a “sex object”
Larry King takes top spot in”Dead or Alive” rankings
Wolf Blitzer said to have housed illegal aliens in beard
Likeness of Jesus found on English muffin reveals He suffered from acne
Nielsen Family Tell All Book: Parents made us watch TV all the time
Kate Gosselin contemplates career change as soon as she finds one
Earliest know use of term ‘hash-tag’ traced back to Woodstock
Kenny Rogers confesses to calling 911 on himself after looking in mirror
North Korea denounces “Abominable Hunger Games” Declares war on Panem
And in honor of Earth Day, I celebrated one year off the smokes today. I’ll post on my life without nicotine another day, preferably when I’m not so happy about the idea. It’s always more entertaining that way.