Well, I don’t either. But I hear stories about those simpler times, and it sounds like it was a pretty cool place to be. Highways where you could open up the engine, rather than a breakfast sandwich? Trips to the shore that didn’t factor in two days worth of travel? Hey, I’m there. I would gladly hand over all my modern conveniences if it meant I didn’t have to book a reservation to buy a cup of coffee.
We got a population problem and it goes like this: America’s BMI has nearly quadrupled in the last century and if we keep it up, we’ll hit the 1 billion mark some time in the next century. We won’t have to deal with the ramifications, but our grand-children’s children will, along with Hugh Hefner. You gotta admit, it’s scary shit when you look at it that way.
Never mind that air quality is being strangled by an orange crush of pollutants. Or that a huge portion of the population is unemployed or underemployed while the rest is working for ESPN. And never mind the cranky crime rates or the rising costs of living or the seeping dread of living it, at least in some places.
Despite all the evidence that says we should focus on improving humanity rather than making more of it, young couples remain unswayed on the matter of reproduction. And while they’re not having babies at the same meteoric clip as olden times, they’re still having 2.083 babies per couple (Give or take a point). Hasn’t it occurred to these people that something is very wrong when they’re giving birth to fractions?
Enough with the baby making!
At least until we have a reasonable assurance that the Grand Canyon isn’t going to be filled in and sold to RE/MAX, or that the Redwoods aren’t going to be chopped into tree houses for McMansions, or that our wildlife won’t become the exclusive purview of genetic modification before long.
This generation of reproducers has a golden opportunity in the palm of their hands (Intentional? Meet pun.). They can have sex simply for the fun of it. No attachments, no nine month waits, no kidding. What’s not to love about that?
We’re running out of options here. Either we ease up on the gas pedal as far as reproduction is concerned, or we will arrive at the juncture where such decisions are made for us. Because really, our resources do not possess infinite stretch even if we’re grossly negligent in our consummation habits. Enough has to be enough, before it becomes too much.
As for teen pregnancy rates, here’s my solution. It has nothing to do with abstinence, since the Holy Spirit’s crossover appeal hasn’t proven very effective in back seat studies. My method doesn’t concern itself with a hopeful allegiance to prepossessed intermediaries. Nah. I would just give teenagers good paying jobs and then mug them. Every payday. Once kids learn what parenting entails, teen pregnancy rates will plummet and Trojan stock will soar.
The adults can downsize on the white picket fence blueprint and upsize on the fun. Imagine the possibilities! Having sex with the bedroom door open. In the middle of the day. Right before you hop a plane to Vegas. And if you’re not sold on the idea yet, chew on this. The in-laws wouldn’t have a built in excuse to camp out at your place for a week.