If it’s summer, that means I’m probably introducing my body to some kind of diet. It’s not about losing weight, it’s about feeling better. Let’s just say my three mile runs were starting to feel like snowshoeing through quicksand thanks to my summer movie intake of chocolate and buttered popcorn.
Last summer I went vegetarian and it helped me kick the nicotine habit by removing a ginormous trigger- red meat. That diet introduced me to the coolest cast of goodness since the Partridge Family was busy keeping Danny Bonaduce in pimples and out of juvie. Kale and Quinoa became the highlights of an expanded food vocabulary as a result.
This time around, it’s the Detox Diet.
There are more variations to this diet than Oregon Ducks football uniforms, so I grabbed a glass (ish) of wine and constructed my personalized menu for the six day venture. And since wine is not a part of ANY detox diet, I had approximately six days worth to tide me over. Then I went to work, taking a dash of Livestrong and a little Dr. Oz, after which I added my own personal favorites, sans the beer and Twinkies.
So this is day three and I’m halfway home. Monday was alright, a novelty. Like the first day of a vacation. Tuesday? Not so good. The physical part wasn’t the problem, it was the psychological effect of not having Doritos, dark chocolate or Sam Adams on speed dial. After scrimmaging with a bowl of greens and finishing things off with a banana, I watched a couple of documentaries to rally my saturated fat soul.
Cayman Thorn’s Fantasy Meal (Do NOT try this at home)
Snicker stuffed Twinkie, wrapped in bacon and deep fried. No dipping sauce. That would be extreme.
Truth be told, coffee and beer are my biggest cravings. The only way I would give these up is on Dr. Kervorkian’s orders . . and since yanno, he’s no longer with us . .
I broke up my detox diet into three parts. Monday and Tuesday were spartan-like, purposefully. Adults behave just like children when they can’t have the food they want. Don’t take my word for it, just watch what big kids do when a deep fried entree isn’t available next time you dine out. So Monday and Tuesday were to put me in my place.
Wednesday is the halftime show- Grocery shopping.
Cayman Thorn’s More Realistic Fantasy Haul? You betcha.
Friday and Saturday will bring more energy than Richard Simmons on speed. By which time I’ll be within kissing distance of Sunday breakfast and my aforementioned greatest love of all- coffee. I’ll hold off on the Twinkies till next grocery day.