The food, the whole foods and nothing but . . .

carmen mirandaIf it’s summer, that means I’m probably introducing my body to some kind of diet. It’s not about losing weight, it’s about feeling better. Let’s just say my three mile runs were starting to feel like snowshoeing through quicksand thanks to my summer movie intake of chocolate and buttered popcorn.

Last summer I went vegetarian and it helped me kick the nicotine habit by removing a ginormous trigger- red meat. That diet introduced me to the coolest cast of goodness since the Partridge Family was busy keeping Danny Bonaduce in pimples and out of juvie. Kale and Quinoa became the highlights of an expanded food vocabulary as a result.

This time around, it’s the Detox Diet.

There are more variations to this diet than Oregon Ducks football uniforms, so I grabbed a glass (ish) of wine and constructed my personalized menu for the six day venture. And since wine is not a part of ANY detox diet, I had approximately six days worth to tide me over. Then I went to work, taking a dash of Livestrong and a little Dr. Oz, after which I added my own personal favorites, sans the beer and Twinkies.

So this is day three and I’m halfway home. Monday was alright, a novelty. Like the first day of a vacation. Tuesday? Not so good. The physical part wasn’t the problem, it was the psychological effect of not having Doritos, dark chocolate or Sam Adams on speed dial. After scrimmaging with a bowl of greens and finishing things off with a banana, I watched a couple of documentaries to rally my saturated fat soul.

Food Matters and Hungry for Change did the trick. I stopped imagining my fantasy meal and started thinking about what the next four days were going to look like.  But since you’re reading . . .

Cayman Thorn’s Fantasy Meal (Do NOT try this at home)

Snicker stuffed Twinkie, wrapped in bacon and deep fried. No dipping sauce. That would be extreme.

Truth be told, coffee and beer are my biggest cravings. The only way I would give these up is on Dr. Kervorkian’s orders . . and since yanno, he’s no longer with us . .

I broke up my detox diet into three parts. Monday and Tuesday were spartan-like, purposefully. Adults behave just like children when they can’t have the food they want. Don’t take my word for it, just watch what big kids do when a deep fried entree isn’t available next time you dine out. So Monday and Tuesday were to put me in my place.

Wednesday is the halftime show- Grocery shopping.

Cayman Thorn’s More Realistic Fantasy Haul? You betcha.

Kale
Avocados
Blueberries
Melon
Brown Rice
Garbanzo Beans
Peaches
Cashews

Friday and Saturday will bring more energy than Richard Simmons on speed. By which time I’ll be within kissing distance of Sunday breakfast and my aforementioned greatest love of all- coffee. I’ll hold off on the Twinkies till next grocery day.

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21 thoughts on “The food, the whole foods and nothing but . . .

  1. “Snicker stuffed Twinkie, wrapped in bacon and deep fried”……I think I just threw up a little bit….

    I’m very proud of your diet…why not make Veggiedom a fulltime gig? You’ve got your proteins…your Super Greens…your Fruits and Cheezies! Meat is way over rated; have a beer instead. Come on get happy.

  2. Oh come on K, it’s probably not as bad as it sounds. Okay, it’s probably worse. I’ve got a pretty strong vegetarian lobby prodding me, but I’m not ready to turn in my carnivore card just yet. As for Sunday night, I’ll be having a Sam and kicking back. No Twinkies will be necessary in the construction of my evening.

  3. Duuuuuuuuude. If you can’t have dark chocolate … I don’t know. You might want to stick with the Snickers wrapped Twinkie. I’ve never tried a deep fried Twinkie or a deep fried pickle … but it’s on list. But enough teasing you with tasty treats…wishing you the best in your new dietary needs. Sending you some Richard Simmons vibes 🙂

  4. Twinkies, coffee and beer … a man after my own heart. Kale … not so much. It’s not bad juiced though.

    Are you doing any juicing on this round? “Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead” was a pretty good show that discussed the many benefits of juicing and detox.

    A couple more days, hang in there!

    • I plan on celebrating the return of the Twinkies by watching Zombieland…it’s only right. And yes! I have seen “Fat, Sick . .” Love Joe Cross. He was my inspiration for lots of delicious juicing. As for the kale? Did you know you can crisp up kale in the oven with some olive oil? They taste like potato chips, honest.

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