Wake me up before you go go . . . or not

I did something last weekend that I’ve only done one other time in my life. Don’t worry, this post has absolutely nothing to do with that trip I took to Vegas as a born again bachelor back in ’05.

No, I went to see a movie by myself.

Seeing as how I can be quite the solitary individual, I should have no problem flying solo with my cinematic experience. It’s like going to a coffee shop alone. Or dining by myself. As cool as these things look when I see other people doing them . . I never do them.

If it wasn’t for Sandra Bullock’s timeless sexy and George Clooney’s soothing baritone voice, I wouldn’t have gone to see Gravity by myself last weekend, either. But I’m glad I did. Not only because I loved the movie, but because it opened up a whole new world to me. Going solo at the movies. Which . . I was going to treat myself to doing last night until I checked out the listings. After which I ended up staying home and watching Halloween . . . the one without Michael Myers.

And here’s why . . .

The Fifth Estate- I still can’t pronounce Assange. It’d be too awkward if someone asked me how it was and I kept referring to him as “That Julian guy with the hair,”

Machete Kills- I didn’t read the book. I would be soooo lost.

Captain Phillips- I already know the whole story. Tom Hanks’s character WISHES he could find a deserted island.

Runner Runner- This isn’t a movie, it’s a reality show starring Justin Timberlake and Ben Affleck. Right?

Grace Unplugged- An inspirational movie about a Christian singer who goes to LA. Because . . that never happens.

Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs- A grown man doesn’t go to a kid’s movie by himself unless he’s Chris Hansen.

Carrie- Eh, I can’t help thinking the best thing about this one will be that sensational coffee shop promo.

Escape Plan- Wait a minute . . I’m supposed to believe Stallone’s character is the ‘world’s foremost authority on structural security’? I’m still trying to warm up to the idea Stallone wrote Rocky.

See what I mean?

Anyways, I thought I would imagine the Kanye West/Kim Kardashian engagement as per the silver screen. And if you know what’s good for you, you’ll stop reading this post right now. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Tip of the IcebergA Streetcar named Denial

Kim is a businesswoman (according to her) whose life consists of family drama, five hour lunches and a Coach bag collection the size of Montana. Kanye is the biggest rock star in the world (according to him) whose Q rating is in the tank after losing an ill advised war with a late night talk show host.

In a crazy attempt to win the girl of his dreams (according to his publicist), Kanye rents out AT&T Park in San Francisco and presents Kim with a flawless 15 carat diamond ring.

Will Kim say yes, or will she hold out for a real diamond? Will Kanye remain faithful through dinner? Will America ever forgive the Giants for not making it to the World Series and thereby canceling out this over the top proposal? Will Lamar Odom show up to the reception? With Kobe or without? Will Bruce Jenner’s face make it to the big day? Will the FED be forced to print more money in order to keep up with the wedding registry? Will Jimmy Kimmel’s writers send the biggest gift? Will the divorce have any chance of living up to the proposal?

For everyone who believes that love conquers all, this story will change your mind.

CAST:

Kanye- Robert Downey Jr.
Kim- Seymour Hoffman
Kris Jenner- Michael Shannon
Bruce Jenner- Joan Rivers
Jimmy Kimmel- Himself
Kourtney- Meg Griffin
Piers Morgan- Captain Morgan

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15 thoughts on “Wake me up before you go go . . . or not

  1. Good for you! … I haven’t seen Gravity yet, but sources approve of Bullock’s shorts. 😉 … Besides, George is a Cincinnatian – which is way my wife wants to see the movie. Meanwhile, I look forward to future one-line movie descriptions!

  2. I can barely imagine the infighting among that cast for top billing and more lines.

    I used to go to the movies alone all the time. But mostly when I go to see a movie, it’s because I want to see the movie, not all the distractions that come with a group of people.
    Plus THERE ARE RULES FOR HOW MOVIE POPCORN SHOULD BE HANDLED!!!!

    (And for god’s sake, don’t let me catch you eating it before the trailers even come on.)
    (Sheesh,)

    • Oh my God!
      Dude. You understand the popcorn thing too?
      Maybe we should go see a movie sometime. Alone . . .:)

      PS- That really is exactly how I view cinema popcorn intake. Cool stuff.

  3. I went to a movie by myself. Once. The problem with me is that I have to have another body to talk to about how the film made me feel. (Did I ever tell you that Emotional is my middle name? Along with Curiosity.) It was The English Patient and holy mother of emotional was I ever jonesing for a conversation about it afterwards.

    I would pay good money to see ASND providing it was cast EXACTLY as you outlined. In fact, I could see that turning into a Rocky Horror kind of cult thing where people dress up like the movie characters and throw popcorn at the screen. Sounds like a winner!

    Haven’t seen Gravity yet. I’m still on the fence about it in spite of all the great feedback on it. Being lost in space is my worst nightmare. I’m afraid of the dreams I’d have after seeing that flick.

    • Mary,
      You’re right. The movie you see on your own must display the rugged persona of a ‘go it alone’ experience before you venture. I too needed an active participant when seeing “The English Patient”. Thankfully, she was buxom and adventurous enough to role play Kristin Scott Thomas. To a tee, as a matter of fact.

  4. I’ve only been to a movie by myself once and it was because no one would go with me, I don’t even remember what it was, but I felt so awkward!

    And, I still have a problem dining alone… am I eating too fast and look like a pig… am I watching other people too much… am I taking too long… I could make a list!

    • Emily,

      You suffer from the same affliction as yours truly. You think WAY too much, lol. I confess to being on your wavelength when it comes to dining. When you start compiling your list, let’s compare notes.

  5. I love going to the movies solo. Then I don’t have to share the popcorn and I can put as much damn butter and salt on it as I want to.

    The movie you see on your own must display the rugged persona of a ‘go it alone’ experience before you venture.

    But… my favorite solo movie was Hannibal way back in like 1998. On the huge IMAX screen. It was epic. Does that count as rugged?

    • C,
      I made it through by showing up once the previews had started, thereby avoiding all the giggles and attention “Oh my God! Look at him! He’s going to the movies all by himself! Hahahahahaha!”….
      Also, I made up pretzel dogs for the occasion. Sneaking in contraband helped to take my mind off all the staring. I figure, since they were gonna stare, might as well make ’em jealous.
      And yes, I do believe Hannibal falls within the category of rugged.

      • Next time just go with a notebook and pen in hand and pretend you are a movie critic. Not only will they not laugh at you, they’ll be in awe and may even offer you some of their popcorn.

        But you are a total rockstar for sneaking in food. I do that with a big bottle of water in my purse. Damn if I’m going to spend $5.00 on a soda I don’t even want.

  6. Duuuuuuuuuuuude. Whenever I’m able to escape this life-gave-me-lemons existence I always go to the movies alone. It’s awesome. I love it. I like the quiet of sitting by myself and not having to worry about 5,000 things happening. I like watching the movie and cracking up at funny moments or getting sad during emotional crises. I don’t mind being alone and enjoying the story. It’s a great escape. I have yet to see Gravity though. I haven’t found an opportunity to break out. But when I do break out, I don’t think I’d see A Street Car Named Denial. It sounds like a good script seeing how you wrote it and all, but both of them drive me up the wall. I can’t stand either one of them.

    • I can see you having fun with the whole solo movie going experience. You have that free spirit way about you that owns the moment. Me? I think waaaaay too much. As for Kimye, I think if you got to know them, you would realize they are WAY more annoying than you were giving them credit for.

  7. haha this is too funny! I sometimes like going to the movies alone – quiet and more candy for me. I have to admit, though, I always conspicuously play on my phone right until the movie starts so I don’t have to see people seeing me alone!

    • How fun, a new victim!

      Hey One, here’s some fair warning…..

      Now that you have trespassed into this place, you can never go back, Once you’re in, you’re in for the rest of time. While I appreciate your courageous nature in going solo at the movies, I question whether you are truly prepared for what comes next….bwahahahahaha!

      Okay, sorry. That’s what happens when I start watching the AMC Halloween marathon.

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