The Dolphins moving to London? I’ll help them pack.

When it comes to entertainment, I have developed the “Sean Penn Formula”. Penn is an amazing talent whose political views make less sense to me than cheeseburger in a can.

The formula goes like this: When it comes to entertainers, I separate all personal accouterments  (Such as their views on politics, religion or baseball) from their talents. This allows me to enjoy the magic they deliver unencumbered from the really stupid shit they believe in. Because let’s face it, there’s lot of stupid shit to go around. From Scientology to blood vial necklaces to Sean Penn’s affinity for socialist thugs in third world countries.

This week, I was forced to apply some SPF to my love of the Miami Dolphins. Because while I’m willing to deal with piss poor football, I don’t suffer bad guys. And Richie Incognito is a bad guy.

He wasn’t brought in by Miami because he was a model citizen. He was brought in because he can play the game at an exceptionally high level. That said, his talents were not exceptional enough to prevent the Rams and Bills from cutting bait with him. Why? Because he’s a bad guy. 

Now the Dolphins are singing the praises of Incognito to such an extent, you would swear the Norwegian Nobel Committee screwed up by not considering the fat bastard. His teammates will insist he’s not a racist, that he’s not a bully. And who am I to disagree? Although Warren Sapp sure can. Sapp wasn’t recognizing Incognito as his brother of another color after this incident.

Tannehill and Hartline claim they never had a problem with Incognito, and I happen to believe them. But sweetheart platitudes can’t wipe away Incognito’s rap sheet, which goes all the way back to his playing days at Nebraska. He’s been a bad dude for a very long time. He was afforded the benefit of a ton of doubts concerning his makeup because he could play football, simple as that.

His kind of talent presupposes good character, it doesn’t warrant it. And the distinction is not one to be taken lightly, even if that’s exactly what happens in major league sports. Vehicular homicide and dog killing and screaming the N word in a public place will get you fired in any profession. In major league sports, these are speed bumps to the next chance.

Check out this video of the team leader and all around great guy in action. Understand that his African American teammates had no problem with this rant. Also understand that if any of the patrons or employees in the bar did have a problem with it? Well, tough.

Incognito is what you get when you enlist the lowest common denominator to front your franchise. If Philbin and the players don’t like the shit they’re taking as a result, then stop blaming the media and start blaming Jeff Ireland- the genius who signed Incognito.

I don’t know what compelled Jonathan Martin to leave rather than stand his ground. But to claim that Martin’s inability to stick up for himself created this mess is to conveniently ignore the fact that this mess doesn’t happen if Incognito is playing in Jacksonville instead of Miami.

If I were to place blame in a particular order, I would go this way.

1-Front office
3- Coaching staff

The front office is most to blame. Listen, if you buy a piranha for your aquarium, don’t be surprised when it eats your hand off. Incognito was available back in 2010 because he was damaged goods and the Dolphins front office is really good at acquiring damaged goods. Remember, I’m a Dolphins fan. I know. If this debacle doesn’t get Jeff Ireland fired, it’s only because he’s got pictures that carry more weight than his draft choices.

Incognito is number two. He’s a big dumb animal who possesses the temperament of a Rhino in heat. His teammates call him a leader? Cool. So was Hitler.

As for the coaches who may or may not have pushed Incognito to ‘toughen’ Martin up? Hey guys, a little more smartening up and a little less toughening up and maybe the Dolphins can go outside to play in January.

As a Dolphins fan, I’ve suffered a lot. We’ve gone through a thousand quarterbacks since Marino. We haven’t been to the Super Bowl since Reagan was a lame duck manager, and we haven’t won a Super Bowl since Watergate was just a hotel.

This is the worst of it. Not even close.

12 thoughts on “The Dolphins moving to London? I’ll help them pack.

  1. Two things Cayman…I responded to a comment from another blogger on my article about the Jets several days ago. In the fourth comment I wrote a little bit on how I feel about this lowlife excuse for a human being. If you get a moment I hope you’ll check it out. At some point I may even choose to write a post about him but I’m way too angry to do that just yet and too busy with other things to spend the time on Incognito just yet…

    Secondly, as you are a Dolphin fan, can you let me know a few of the players from the past that were signed by Miami even though they were “damaged goods”? As you know my man, I’m more into statistics than pedigree. There have been some exceptions, however, such as Incognito, but fill me in as I would like to know.

    Thanks! Enjoyed reading what you had to say…

    • The damaged goods thing? I wrote that with my first thought being Brandon Marshall. We’ve had a crop of bad free agency signs leading up to this past off-season. Mike Wallace is already feeling like a damaged goods proposition to me, given the Steelers indifference in resigning him coupled with his less than stellar beginning in Miami.
      I wasn’t toasting Jeff Ireland after the free agent haul this summer. I understood it to be the result of his inability to have the pieces in place to begin with.

  2. Interesting that Tony Dungy had him on the don’t draft because of character issues list. Meanwhile, I agree that the organization is not looking good at the moment as they demonstrate an open mouth insert foot approach. The guy is a thug, and other players have also let him get away with it.

    • Tony Dungy’s imprint is still on that organization, along with Polian. Those were two guys who understood the unique culture of the league, yet they didn’t allow that culture to predominate the team. The success of that franchise didn’t happen in a vacuum. It was tended to for a long, long time. Meanwhile, Jeff Ireland is a guy who provoked Dez Bryant during an interview before the draft several years ago. He’s a bully whose imprint also happens to be on my team. Unfortunately.
      What really angered me was that video of Incognito in a bar, throwing the N word around while his teammates stood by. And then to have to listen to Miami players say they were okay with it? No one mentioned the fact that Incognito wasn’t in the locker room, that he was in a public place where OTHER, more reasonable thinking people sure would have a problem with it. It’s this idea that these guys are above it all, it’s what leads to trouble.

  3. All a fashion blogger/NCAA fan like me has to say is he is just another emptyheaded thug that knows how to play a game that the public is crazy about watching (not unlike the Roman gladiator days) and he struts as if indestructable with the help of the brew. Am i wrong to giggle because this scene reminded me of a prehistoric diarama with drunk cavemen? Anyway, the luggernut is a time-bomb that will either blow or diffuse with age. Hope he doesn’t have a girlfriend….

    • Yanno, I played high school ball once. Longest year of my life. Amino acids, bullshit speeches by coaches from nowhere fast, and girls.
      I’m thankful for the girls, they saved me.

  4. Hey wait a minute…Didn’t Paula Dean get publicly shunned by all endorsements because she said “Nigger” years ago in a much more private situation? And why is it ok for AA’s to say that word in their songs and call each other that word but if a white individual says it, it is wrong? And I don’t recall any history of an AA being reprimanded for calling a white person “Cracker”. I’m just saying… Let’s be fair people.

    • K,

      I’m with ya Lady Tiger. But I AM gonna go devils advocate on you, slightly. Rappers and movie directors tote the N word in a different context than some shirtless imbecile (Incognito) in a bar does, or Paula Deen for that matter. Incognito is a big dumb animal who didn’t know any better, but Paula Deen should have. Known better.
      As for the “Cracker” jacking part of this equation, I agree with you wholly. Charlie Rangel probably wouldn’t, but seeing as he’s completely full of shit, no prob.

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