My Left Foot(ball) Post . . .yeah, I miss Tebow

funny footballI loves me some pro football, even if certain aspects leave me as clueless as Bruce Jenner’s plastic surgeon.

To wit . . .

Booing injured players- Let’s get something straight, Bethenny Frankel, is faking it. We’re not lock, stock and barrel certain NFL players are doing the same. And given that the average NFL career is shorter than Shaq’s IMDB . . let’s give ’em the benefit of the doubt. Coo?

Fighting in the stands- If you get that worked up over a game . . you need to get laid, get therapy or get a job. If I was Commish, I’d ban alcohol sales since liquid courage contributes to the stupid factor exponentially. I realize this would result in three people showing up to Philadelphia Eagles games. I’m fine with that.

Game announcers- What’s with all the screaming? The only time a grown man should behave like that is if Sofia Vergara shows up with a bottle of ‘bub.

Pre-game shows- Phony laughter, phony stats, and too many guys named Boomer.

Sports analysis- Inanity? Meet insanity. Like, what does playing with swagger even mean? And what of the retrofitted terminology such as putting the ball on the ground (fumbling), going vertical (passing) and running north to south (running forward)?

Instant replay- Okay, I understand why the league loves instant replay, and it has nothing to do with improved technology (Six thousand cameras and the networks STILL can’t fetch a decent vantage point on reviews . . Puhleeze.). Nah, this is about money- more specifically, ad revenue. Replays equal timeouts equal commercials. Does the league really find it necessary to hide behind the excuse that instant replay takes human error out of the equation, when in reality it simply perpetuates it? Tell the truth Darth Roger! . .you want more bacon!

Face paint- No.

Flex Games- So you’re a working stiff who wants to take your kids to a Sunday afternoon game. And then the league moves it to a Sunday night game and you’re screwed. Your mellow gets harshed because of a league sanctioned shell game. Flex? I have a more appropriate four letter word in mind . . .

Taunting- The NFL allows all manner of criminal into its ranks, yet it abides by a scorched earth policy when it comes to celebrations. Hey, I’m all for acting like you’ve been there, but I don’t believe that acting like a knucklehead constitutes a crime against humanity. And it most certainly is not deserving of a fine.

See? This is one of the great things about living in this country. I can have legit problems with the favorite pastime and I’m not getting my head removed from the rest of my body in a soccer stadium because of it. And besides, it’s not like I’m hating on a league that had the brilliant idea of bringing the Super Bowl to Jersey.

The Dolphins are a snow team.

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18 thoughts on “My Left Foot(ball) Post . . .yeah, I miss Tebow

  1. This is too funny. I don’t even need to be a regular watcher of football to be ever-familiar with all of these points. Totally think banning liquor sales at sporting events would get you kicked out of the country, though. You might need to rethink that one.

  2. Soooo, Sofia huh? Huhn, men have been struttin’ their peacock feathers at these cock fights since gladiators discovered jock straps…all to impress the Sofia…and the competition for the Sofia! It’s entertainment at its most comedic level… But can we keep the face paint? …and body paint? That too can be entertaining..and for some a popcorn popper in the jock strap area..I’m just sayin. Remember my post about Football Fashion…them camouflaged boobies? 🙂

    PS: Auburn for President.

    • K- Well . . . I’ve heard Sofia is really something. I wouldn’t know since I don’t watch Modern Family, much. She seems lovely though. And yes! We must keep face paint now that you put it that way…. I wouldn’t want to punish the ladies just cause the guys have no idea what they’re doing with it.
      And I hope Auburn doesn’t ruin its mojo with a run for the Presidency. They’re WAY too much fun for that kinda gig. . .

  3. Even when I don’t know what you’re talking about (Taunting? Flex Games?) you are witty as hell. Do you really miss Tebow? Is that Ref taking a swing at the guy in the photo, or is it one of many hand signals Refs make, most of which I am clueless about? Hmmm . . . speaking of clueless . . . maybe I could botch, um, perform Bruce Jenner’s next surgical procedure? ;-D

    • Taunting is when a football player celebrates after scoring a touchdown . . or after getting a first down . . or after hearing his name announced . . or after putting his uniform on the right way . . you get the point, these knuckleheads celebrate any and all occasions. And the league is more than happy to take any and all monies it can invent a fine for. And I’m not sure what was going on in that picture. The only thing I know for sure, is that the ref is not a Rams fan.
      PS- Bruce Jenner’s face work is all about coupon clipping, I imagine.

    • I do not understand why teams such as the Cowboys- and before Matt Flynn transformed into Matt Damon from the Bourne movies- the Packers, didn’t give Tebow a call. As for Gruden, that would make too much football sense. Jerry would never go for it.

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