Forget nicotine, do they have an online patch?

Vera(Editors Note: Vera Farmiga’s inclusion in this post will be explained later.)

It’s tough to step away from the computer sometimes. Especially when most of your stuff lives there. Despite the fact I’m not the most plugged in of peeps, I still have plenty of stuff that takes up residence on my computer and to which I go running before the drip has gone dry on my coffee maker. 

Yesterday, I changed things up. I played keep away. 

No emails. No writing. No Huff Post. No blog hopping, no YouTube, no recipe searching . . . no fandango, Google searches or Merriam No Sporcle or music lists. Nada colada. All day long. 

Lazy met lovely, and they had a beautiful baby. Translation? I enjoyed it. And here are some things I learned over the course of a leisurely Saturday. 

. . . At the Humane League, I learned that you don’t pet a cat while they’re busy eating. And if you play tug of war with a pit bull? Let them win, even if you’re relatively certain you can win, because you really can’t win. And walking a Boxer/Terrier/Jack Russell mix puppy is akin to walking a five hour energy drink that is hopped up on  . . other energy drinks.

. . . I discovered a county park in my morning run. I was waiting for the girl to finish up her stint at the Humane League. She’s on the cleanup crew so her time tends to run longer than us dog walkers. I like to run in unfamiliar territory when I can, just to change things up, so this park was pay dirt. I used the cozy confines, undisturbed by another living soul until a late model Audi made the scene, after which I made even better time getting the hell out of there. Hey, I’ve read enough thrillers to understand I was going to end up in someone’s basement singing nursery rhymes and drinking from a morphine drip if I stuck around.

. . . Tried the old diner trick for fluffier omelettes. I added a tablespoon of pancake batter. It works! I think!

Things you believe when you can’t use Google for verification:

-Brad Pitt once played minor league baseball for the New York Mets
-Chris Christie used to be a toll booth operator
-The term “Made in America” is made in China
-If a hyena and a tanning bed made a baby, it would look like Snooki
-Neil Armstrong found a half eaten bag of M&M’s on the moon
-Russia is two months ahead, which means they’ve already held the Winter Olympics. 

. . . I learned that I can still hold my son’s attention, thanks to a four hour phone conversation. We talked on everything from Bridge-Gate to Benghazi and while we didn’t solve any of the world’s problems, we had a few thoughts.

Like . .

-If Harvey Weinstein is really serious about bank rolling films sans gun violence, strychnine stocks will soar, right?
-Journalism has become one big selfie.
-Vladimir Putin needs a publicist.
-In pro sports, nothing pisses fans off more than teams that spend freely, free agents who bolt for greener pastures and teams that relocate. Unless . . it’s happening in their town, in which case it’s cool.
-Ted Williams would’ve been miserable playing in today’s 24/7 sports coverage world
-People who talk about the 2016 Presidential race as if they really have any idea what’s going to happen? They sound dumber than Kanye West.
-It really is impossible to look mature when you’re eating Cap’n Crunch.
-Morrissey could be Pope if music had such a leader.

. . . The Last Stand with Arnold is a surprisingly good action flick.

. . . The King’s Speech gets better each and every time I watch it.

. . .SportsCenter? Doesn’t.

At the end of the day, I realized how much I still need the internet if I want to live off the grid at some later date (Ironic, huh?). How else am I gonna figure out how to build a tree house with indoor plumbing and a beer tap? In Vera Farmiga’s neighborhood?

(Told you.)


16 thoughts on “Forget nicotine, do they have an online patch?

  1. Love that you volunteer at the Humane Society. I just put in a query to Childrens Aid.
    Vera Farmigia never needs to be explained.
    (I thought Pitt worked the tollbooth?)

    • Hey, that post of yours is the kind of thing that makes me thankful for having come back to the blogosphere. Not for the bad mojo creepers but for the good peeps who will always matter more. I never understood the blogosphere the way I do on this second tour of mine, and you are one of the big reasons why I’m so thankful for understanding it this way.

  2. No playoff predictions???? Did I miss a post?
    Did you see the latest Schwarzenegger commercial where he’s a ping pong player? So scary….
    Sounds like a great way to spend some free time. Go Broncos!

    • Colorado,

      I was going to post my predictions tomorrow. But if pressed, I guess I would go with the Broncos . . . subject to change, of course.

      Arnold as a ping pong player? Haven’t seen this yet, and needless to say . . . I’m scared before even watching it . . .

  3. You’re a brave, kind soul to volunteer at the Humane League. We have a local shelter, and I would love to walk a dog or two, or toss some yarn with the cats — but I’d end up coming home with animals on a regular basis. So, I donate money and supplies and try to stay far away from their adorable faces.

    • I have a cat whose sovereignty makes it, shall we say . . problematic, for the inclusion of other four legged peeps. As despots go, he’s really quite lovable, but the fact remains . . he’s still a despot.

  4. I couldn’t wait to get to the part where you justified the reason for the Vera photo. I love reading your posts because they are not only well written and witty, but they almost always make me snort laugh at some point (this time it was the “told you”). And that is so good for my soul.

    Also, gonna have to try the pancake batter in the omelet thing. Never heard of that, but it sounds good.

    Thanks for the laughs AND the cooking tip! You, sir, are a well-rounded guy.

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