The Vera Farmiga Invitational- Hot List 2014

Vera HotI’m gonna serve up a sexy list that puts SI and the Clinton Archives to shame. (Hey Bill . . holmes . . I’m not hating, so chill bro. I know the only reason you ran around was for the love. Of silence.)

While Maxim and AskMen are brimming with college talent, ‘me ladies are big league. So you won’t find Jennifer Lawrence on account of the fact she is twenty three. Sorry, but the last time I found twenty three interesting? I was eighteen.

The inspiration for this hot list comes from its namesake. She’s the place where sexy goes to learn more about sexy.

And a special shout out to my special someone, whose input made this list possible. The woman possesses all of the qualities I find most sexy in a woman. Her fashion sense is funky, she sports a mean pair of spectacles and while she doesn’t curse lots, her placement of swear words is brilliant. That’s hot.

Amy Adams- It took American Hustle to change my mind on her. Two hours and ten minutes. Yep . . that’s about right. Re-invention? . . . Meet low cut. Hey, you guys mingle while I grab a snack. By mingle I mean kiss.

Ellen DeGeneres– She made me laugh out loud the first time I saw her. Nothing has changed. She’s beautiful and she’s dorky, which is hot. Like girls in glasses.

Thandie Newton- The way she throws that come hither look out there should be illegal. But I’m really glad it’s not.

Demi Moore- Am I the only one who finds it impossible to believe that Ghost will celebrate its 25th anniversary next year? The only reason that fact isn’t totally depressing is because Demi is waaay hotter now than she was then. Way.

Melissa McBride- Carol from The Walking Dead is back! Just in time for an intervention with her fledgling little Piece Corps. McBride plays the hottest adoptive mama of a murderous scoundrel since, yep . . Vera Farmiga in Orphan.

Lolo Jones- She could make paper airplanes and I would watch. Boz Scaggs would have written a song about her back in the day. ‘Nuff said.

Claire PicClaire Forlani- As if I needed another excuse for loving Scotch? Hey umm . . Dewars? Fuck you but . . . keep the spots coming. Coo?

Chelsea Peretti- Crazy sexy AND the kind of sense of humor that tells me you are plenty fine with killing me in my sleep? Hey, it’s just another reason to love pancakes.

Julie Bowen- Sofia gets all the press. But Julie is my ‘Hot Mom’. Soccer mom by day and purring minx by night? Oh yeah . . .

Sunny Hostin- She is just, well . . she is just easier to fall in deep sexy love with than whatever Joaquin Phoenix is falling in love with in Her. *Spoiler Alert-Joaquin is in love with an outside the box thinker of an OS, played by Scarlett Johansen . . who is twenty nine and therefore ineligible for this year’s list. **Spoiler Alert within a Spoiler Alert- Guess who makes my list next year . . and no, it ain’t Joaquin.

Cate Blanchett- You ever notice how this classic beauty’s eyes follow you? Wow.

Julia Roberts- She isn’t that box office stunner no more, she’s better. Okay, here’s how I look at sexy. Let’s take a hypothetical “Road Trip Test” . . Kate Upton vs. Julia Roberts. Upton is gonna introduce you to the latest drinks, clubs and apps. Roberts is simply going to teach you what it means to hold a woman. The former will rock your world, but the latter will change it. If your idea of sexy is bikinis, you’re doing it wrong.

Natasha Leggero- She has the Susanna Hoffs vibe going strong. And a great sense of humor. Maybe it’s not the “I’ll kill you in your sleep” sense of humor, but you can’t do that every night anyways. It’s tiring.

Jane Seymour- When the hell is she gonna start acting her age? I have no idea but I’m not complaining.

Natalie Portman- She gets more interesting, and more beautiful, every day. And she makes the cut since she’s 32.

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the reach Vera possesses, which goes far beyond acting and directing.  See, Vera has a wildly talented younger sister by the name of Taissa. You may know her as Violet Harmon in American Horror Story. As if Vera wasn’t amazing enough . . . she has a farm system.

What a woman.


23 thoughts on “The Vera Farmiga Invitational- Hot List 2014

  1. I think there’s something wrong with me that I don’t recognize several ladies on your list.

    I think Joaquin may surprise you and do something to get you to add him and his scruffy chin rat to the list next year…

    • Handsome- There’s nothing wrong with you. My list is just a personal thing to which I’m sure there are going to be several “Who’s she?” moments for the readers. It was thanks to my girlfriend on several of these mentions as well- namely Ellen and Claire Forlani. As far as Joaquin goes, he’s got some work to do in order to make this list. But hey, if the US could beat the powerful Russian squad in 1980, then maybe there IS a miracle to be had inside that scruffy chin rat.
      PS- That’s the name of my next (first) musical band. Scruffy Chin Rat.

  2. LOVE your list! Does that make this awkward–coming from a chick? I think not.

    These women are fearless, hot and smart (and I knew 12 of them El Guapo!)

    I especially loved this part: “doesn’t curse lots, her placement of swear words is brilliant. That’s hot.”
    Nothing makes my hubby laugh louder than hearing his innocent, non-swearing wife drop a timely F-bomb. Christy taught me the power of that 🙂

    Loved this post! The fact that you watch American Horror Story has me quickly becoming your next biggest fan.

    • Mama- Awkward? Try hot as Vera running through Death Valley! Women know what hot is all about. Men are just borrowing the sentiment, like clumsy little puppies.
      And the art of the swear word is timing, indeed. Whereas I tend to use it in any and all situations, my girl saves it like wine . . bringing it up from the cellar at just the right moment.
      My Hot List is women, not girls. I can’t stand the news stand annuals, where perusing the pages feels like an Amber Alert in progress.

    • Awwww, my heart just did a little pitter-patter. Nothing like corrupting the language of sweet innocent young ladies. 😀

      And not to be too predictable here, Cayman, but Vera? Yeah… Perfect quote for her:

      “Eyes. Those damn eyes fucked me forever.”
      ― Charles Bukowski

      Some of mine: Brooke Shields -she is so awesome AND funny. Michelle Rodriguez and Gina Carano – strong and sexay. Debra Winger – Urban Cowboy, still. Sade – timeless and etheral. And since you went Ellen, I’ll go Portia. And Amy-of course.

      • Running- One of my favorite things about the Hot List is all the other hotties people contribute to the partay. And your list is tre magnifique…which is French for “Daaayuumm!”. From the first time I saw Vera…in Iron Jawed Angels, I was smitten. I’m glad you brought a Bukowski quote along, that one fits my thoughts quite nicely.

  3. I have the same opinion and I must agree with all your choices. This post sent me off in the never never land of why can these women live at my house? (If only for a minute. . . er three minutes). So well done I don’t even know a great word or words that would adequately cover.

  4. Like El Guapo, there are several names on this list that I didn’t recognize. (…looks away ashamedly…) I would have had others on my list such as Charlize Theron (39 this August so she qualifies), Tea Leoni, Robin Wright, and Cheryl Ladd. And since I AM the Fantasy Man I CAN do that….

  5. Dude. I’ve got to say that your list is pretty badass. I’m impressed with your variety. They got beauty, but more importantly depth and humor. I like your list, I think it should be on the cover of all the magazines, so people can get a clue of what’s real. Props to your lady for the suggestions. She’s a keeper 🙂 That chick Claire is definitely hot looking as is Natalie Portman, is that weird coming from a girl? Nah I’m confident in my own womaness to appreciate the beauty in other chicks. 🙂

    • Guat- Women have it all over men when it comes to admitting that kind of stuff. God forbid I was to say something like “That Brad Pitt is soooo dreamy”…I mean hypothetically. That was hyp . . oh never mind.
      As for the list, you’ve probably figured out by now that I don’t really have a ‘type’. It’s as much about traits as anything. Confidence and humor are my biggest turn-ons. And I do have a thing for girls in glasses.

  6. Nice pics but who are these people….. Is it very sad that I got more excited by the Thomas Dolby- love his work- did you know it was his bnd that played with Bowie at Llive Aid – fantastic. The ‘other guy’ who says ‘she blinded me science’ after Dolby was TV presenter Magnus Pyke….. Barking mad but brilliant! A bit likeDolby but older!
    Have a nice day

    • Oh, far be it from me to not include Pippa Middleton in this association of lovely beings. Once again, we are lost in translation. But yeah, I get excited by Thomas Dolby myself. And yes, I did know that. Love Bowie something much. And here’s a funny aside . . . Magnus was going to be my original pseudonym for this blog. I decided to go with an anagram instead, but I always loved the name, Magnus.

      Once again, thank you for strumming your tune here, kind sir. You’re brilliant and then lots more. I’m leaving you a video spill, just because I love ya like that. Peace.

  7. Disagree about Demi Moore in her present state, but I’m not a guy. Also, 25 years? Wow. Quite a list otherwise, and how awesome you have a taste for the over 30. A real man. That special someone is on to something. Cheers.

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