With temps chillier than Kris Kardashian’s undergarments, it’s high time for another list of hot chicas, served up by yours truly. I tried reaching Vera Farmiga- again- in the hopes that she might be interested in writing the foreword to this post, but she declined. Actually . . her husband declined. And then her lawyer declined . . and then, yeah . . the authorities, they felt the need to get all up in ‘ma business.
Anyways . . . on with the show!
Eva Green- The ivory skin. The boil that purrs below her surface. The way she strikes you with that wicked glance . . and the British accent. And so, you mean to tell me if the colonies had lost the Revolutionary War, we’d have even more of that going on over here right now? What the fuck were we thinking?
Katie Seagal- She’s the Lady MacBeth of biker babes. And she’s sexier than ever. And speaking of SOA babes . . .
Ally Walker- How do I put this nicely? Her character on Sons was a total cunt. She made bikers cringe, she made men get down on their knees to satisfy her needs. I’ll take your 50 Shades of Grey and I’ll raise you her.
Natasha Henstridge- Speaking of bad girls, she plays the kind of hard core bitch that makes this boy swoon. She’d toss her lover in a compactor if he didn’t master her domain. I’m in deep love with that kind of sexy.
Jada Pinkett Smith- Since I’m on a mean sexy streak, I’d be remiss if I didn’t include JP Smooth. The way she plays Fish Mooney on Gotham . . well, I have to believe that’s what you’d be getting late in the night. Some Victoria’s Secret, with Barry White running the turn table, and a bottle of bub sitting on the bedside table. Okay, where was I?
Julianna Margulies- Elegance? Check. Sophistication? Check. Confidence? Check. Beauty? Check . . . You get ‘me point, the woman is Boss. (Fun Fact: Carol Hathaway, the character she played on ER, was set to be killed off early on, but the show’s writers came to their senses and she ended up hanging around for six season, becoming the only actor on the long running hit show to win an Emmy.) Sexy? Check!
Lauren Cohen- As Maggie on Walking Dead, Cohen provides a deft combination of muscle and smarts. It’s been a slow and beautiful burn since we first met her on the farm back in season 2. Not to mention, yeah . . . the British accent.
Stacey Dash- Those caramel eyes could talk me into anything. The rest of her would just seal the deal.
Rosario Dawson- My mouth waters whenever I utter her name aloud. Rosario . . . Rosario . . Alright, that’s enough. My cat’s giving me this look that’s basically saying, “Maybe it’s a good thing you cut my business off, dude . . .”
Sara Bareilles- I have this dream that the zombie apocalypse has arrived, and she’s my girlfriend. Sara sings me to sleep every night after three hour love sessions by the fire. And then I wake up. And I realize . . no zombie apocalypse yet. Zombies are fucking slackers.
Cobie Smulders- She’s simply my latest guilty pleasure on a show (How I Met Your Mother) I swore I would never watch but am currently binge watching. She can come off as indifferent, but that’s only cause you need to do your homework in order to gain her extra credit. Her sense of humor is drier than a gin martini on a budget and when her laugh comes out to play? Ballgame.
Kelly Brook- Oh my God, the eyes. The hair. The ample bosom. The . . where the hell was I? Oh yeah, the everything about her. She plays demure to the loveliest conclusion this side of a California sunset. And the British accent, oh my God . . .
Welp, that does it for my latest installment of what’s hot. I’d like to thank Vera Farmiga for her lovely inspiration, as per usual. And remember kids, if you got shades on during sex? You’re doing it wrong. . .