A Dear John Letter to Walking Dead . . It’s Oscar Night, Bitches!

I got nothing as far as Oscar picks are concerned. I blame it on the Ice Age we’re currently experiencing on the East Coast- as predicted by Dennis Quaid in The Day After Tomorrow.

While everybody else goes all Jimi Hendrix over directors and dresses and actors and adapted screenplays . . I prefer to concentrate on the peeps who serve up golden boy. I’m funny like that.

So . . . Neil Patrick Harris as host? To borrow from his classic turn as Barney- the hilariously jaded misogynist pig- on How I Met Your Mother . . . Gee? Meet Nius. You guys are related, and I . . am your father. Okay, maybe that was Barney and Cayman Thorn, collaborating at last call. Scary thought.

There is nothing but scary good potential involved in a Neil Patrick Harris night at the Oscars. He’s young enough to play with hashtag, and mean it. He’s old enough to remind certain of us folk how he survived the deadly career affliction otherwise known as Child Actor (See Doogie Howser). Not only survived it, he kicked ass on it.

No matter how well things go tonight, he’s not married to the Oscars (Which, no doubt pleases those cranky Christian conservatives). He can take this Academy Awards thing and he can leave it just the same. And that right there brings some much needed edge to an awards banquet that has gone too long to the dance with Billy Crystal.

Okay. You didn’t ask me for my Oscar nods, so this is what you get . . .I only go with the Big Five on account of my attention deficit . .  something or other, don’t remember. . sorry.

Best Actor- Alex Rodriguez. He’s not nearly as handsome as Streep, nor as pretty as DiCaprio. But he’s so damned good at lying his ass off that the sporting world has called him out on it. That, is some work right there.

Best Actress- Bruce Jenner. Too soon?

Best Director– Stephen Spielberg. Too late?

Best Picture- Joe Biden Too disturbing?  

Was that five already? My ADD is saying nah, but that pic to my right is asking me to leave the room before I attach a chicka or a bow wow to it (too late! Fucking ADD, why do you insist on following me into dementia?! Give me some time to breathe!)

Anyways, hope you enjoyed this Oscar night special as much as, umm, I did?

Advertisements

15 thoughts on “A Dear John Letter to Walking Dead . . It’s Oscar Night, Bitches!

  1. I still don’t know who won. Is that a terrible thing to admit? I do have to say that I watched the red carpet show — and I thought the interview with Melanie Griffith and her daughter (Dakota Johnson from 50 Shades of Grey) was so awkward! Did you see that? When they were discussing whether Melanie could ever watch the movie, and her daughter rolled her eyes and got all defensive, and made a little bratty comment. Those celebrities, what a hoot.

    • Terrible thing? Are you kidding me? I would have been completely disillusioned if a girl from up Boston way would’ve known an Oscar winner.And holy shit, I had no idea the girl from 50 Shades was Melanie Griffith’s daughter! I feel so vulnerable right now. Please, give me a minute. . .

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s