The 1st Annual Viggo Mortensen Invitational

When Cayman asked me, Michelle, and Mary if we’d be interested in sharing the Drinks reins, I came down with a bad case of the giggles. The notion of me ever drinking well with anyone is hysterical. (I’m knocking on five years of sobriety.) But then I reminded myself that I’m a pretty civilized coffee drinker–after my first two cups–and that seemed to settle down my giggle fit. So I talked with my BBF– my bloggy bestie friend (BFF is so three years ago)–Michelle, and our first impulse was a resounding, “Hell yeah!”

But then we checked ourselves. First rule in sales–and in feminine wiles–never appear too eager or you may get taken advantage of. So we slowed our roll and said coyly, “Maybeeeee….”–Oh come on, you know you appreciate something more when you have to work for it.–“But we have a few little contractual demands.”

First on Michelle’s list was a lifetime supply of chocolate frosting. (How you doing with securing that frosting, Cayman?) While first thing on Christy’s list was Viggo.

“What’s a Viggo?” I hear one or two of you ask. Yes, I know. But it has come to my attention that not everyone on this planet knows who Viggo Mortensen is. Not only that, but one or two of you haven’t even seen The Lord of the Rings trilogy.

Well folks, Viggo Mortensen is my Leaning Tower of Pisa; he is my Holy Grail; he is the reason I believe in God. Viggo Mortensen can take me to church any day. Quite simply, Viggo Mortensen is my Vera Farmiga. And if you’ve been following Cayman for any amount of time, you know how he loves Vera.

Besides, if Cayman is gonna have his Vera Invitational, it’s only fair that the girls get to have a Viggo Invitational. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander, right? (By the way, what exactly is a gander?)

Having two judges on the Viggo Board of Hotties (me and Michelle) presents a couple of unique challenges. It wouldn’t be much fun if we both picked the same guys. Besides then we’d have to fight over them and, hot girls in a cat fight in a mud pit and double chicken wings, well that’s such a Ronda Rousey cliché. We decided to be civilized about the whole affair. And what says civilized like American Football? Right? Michelle and I decided we would DRAFT our KINGS and build our own personal teams of hotties.

Rules? As if. We don’t need no stinkin’ rules.

***

With the first pick of the Viggo Mortensen Invitational, Christy picks:

Viggo-Mortensen-Aragorn-e1400255286598

Viggo Mortensen!

Big surprise right? (Oh come on. At least act a little surprised.) But let me take a few moments to explain what it is that makes Viggo so special to me. Sure, he was hot as Aragorn in The Lord of the Rings, and yes, his scenes with Gweneth were steamy in A Perfect Murder, and the way he held a spatula in one hand and a shotgun in the other in A History of Violence made me weak in the knees, and the way he rode a horse in Hidalgo made me wish I was an Appaloosa, and in The Road, Viggo still managed to maintain his physical deliciousness even in the end of days. But more than that? Viggo is a true Renaissance Man. He even makes Leonardo look one-dimensional. (Leonardo da Vinci, not that other Leo. As if. (Insert sound of a cat hacking up a hairball.))

Give me a man who not only has bedroom eyes, but who knows his way around a metaphor and the exquisite lost art of rhetoric. Give me a man whose wits and words make me swoon when my eyes are closed, who stimulates my brain and not just my G-spot. Give me a man versed in art and poetry. Give me a man who gets it, man. And Viggo gets it.

Viggo is an actor, writer, poet, photographer, painter, musician, animal lover, politico, and parent. Before he ever acted, he published a book of poetry. He takes photos everywhere he travels. He’s fluent in English, Spanish, Danish, French, Swedish and Norwegian. (Yeah, well, I’m interested. I like to know what people are talking about, so sometimes you have to learn other languages.”) He bought the horses he rode in Hidalgo and LOTR because he established such a bond with them. He does all of his own horseback stunts. He even owns a publishing company, specializing in publishing work by emerging poets and writers.

Viggo doing a reading from a book of Argentinian poetry. via.
Viggo giving a reading from a book of Argentinian poetry. via.

Viggo also has a fine appreciation for dark chocolate, and is not afraid to share. From an interview with The Guardian:

(Viggo) … I also like chocolate. I eat a lot of chocolate. I like them really dark, really tasty.

(Interviewer) … He also presents me with two large chocolate squares, one wrapped in pink paper that has a handwritten “Venezuela” on it, and another in orange paper that has a handwritten “Indonesia”. I am not sure whether he hand wrapped them himself or whether they came from a hand-wrapped chocolate shop. I imagine him travelling the world with a suitcase of wrapped chocolates.

And that, my friends, is why Viggo is my number one pick, why I would consider concubine status, and why he is the namesake of our Invitational.

So, Michelle, who’s first on your draft, and why?

***

Hey chica, if you hadn’t caught me off-guard with the ole dreaded chicken wing, I may have had enough left in me to beat you to Viggo.  Remember him in G.I. Jane?

Payback time! Since all is fair in love and war, I’m going for the jugular and choosing Norman Reedus.

Claimed, Beeyatch!

2a031de6263b8bd66a44110c6caad274.jpg
Via

Shocker, right?  Seems that we are drawn to the men with the brooding eyes, broken insides, and in need of a woman’s touch.  I’m all about fixing the broken boys, and Norman’s character, Daryl Dixon, in The Walking Dead is a beautifully busted choice.

Mr. Reedus may not be the classic handsome dude like Gerard Butler or Russell Crowe, but there’s a reason he’s my Number 1 and they aren’t. (Though, don’t rule them out for slot receiver positions on down the line.)

In an interview with The GuardianNorman shared the following:

Allowing himself to fall in love is something Daryl Dixon wouldn’t have done until after he’s lost everything and the world’s gone to s**t,” Reedus said. “Part of that character’s appeal is that you’re watching this guy reinvent himself as someone who’s finding a sense of self-worth through other people in his life. He’s slowly becoming proud of who he is.
He went on to say that if love does come Dixon’s way, he wanted it to happen just like it does in real life.

 

Hmmm….wonder if they have any casting calls for female roles. I could die my hair blonde and strum a guitar–heck, I’d read my bad poetry to him if I thought it’d get me to first base.
https://www.pinterest.com/pin/330170216406619877/
Via
I first noticed him as Warren in 8mm.  My kind of sexy–dirty, grimy, not pretty boy handsome. I want a man who’s not afraid to jump in and do the work, and I wouldn’t be afraid to make Norman work for it.

 

Any man who doesn’t mind being photographed with a cat, is real man in my book. He can pet my pussy any time.
IMG_6335IMG_6336

***

Nice man stealing, err I mean strategy, Michelle. I hate you now, but I love your wicked ways.  Let’s take a time-out here so I can go plot my revenge… 🙂

And there you have it friends. Round One of the Inaugural Viggo Invitational. We wanted to give our first round picks the full attention they deserved, but we’ll be back soon to finish our draft rounds. Until then!

“Take Me to Church” by Hozier

65 thoughts on “The 1st Annual Viggo Mortensen Invitational

  1. If I were to just post the first comment that comes to mind, it might be ‘get a room’ but actually the witty humor coming through might prevent that if not for the fact that I’ve already gone ahead and written it. Whoops! Well, any man who gives chocolate as a gift is okay in my book.

  2. Loved this. As an avid follower of Pilgrim Thorn, I hafta say y’all did his space proud. I would have chosen either of these guys as well. I really liked Viggo in GI Jane. He played a guy you could count on. (well after he stopped humping your pants.) Can’t wait for the net round.

    • He was excellent in GI Jane. Those short shorts! I grew up in San Diego, right around the corner from the Coronado SEAL training base, so I knew a few of those guys. CRAZIEST guys you will EVER meet in your life. And they’re proud of that fact. Viggo nailed it well.

      Appreciate the kind words. Cayman is a class act, it’s going to be fun writing (and bantering) with him over here.

    • I see you here all of the time, John, and wondered what you’d think about a little extra estrogen in the hallways of Cayman’s place.
      I loved Viggo in GI Jane. I remember thinking, “I’m not supposed to like this guy.” But, then he pulled out the D.H. Lawrence poem, and well, he had me at “I never saw a wild thing…”
      Thanks for taking the time to read and comment – this was so much fun!

  3. Well I gotta admit…this post has literally got it all. You guys didn’t just bring the sexy, you gave us legit reasons as to why you would rent a room(s) as per your choices. The Vera Invitational looks shallow in comparison, but hey . . . why change now? 🙂

    Seriously, this was a job well done.

  4. I almost forgot . . . this is like the ONLY time I would be able to get away with posting this vid, which is really unfortunate. Why didn’t the Weather Girls do like Black Eyed Peas did with “Lets Get Retarded” and make another version with completely different lyrics?

    Oh well.

  5. Hey ladies,

    May I proffer a dude for future Viggo posts? Mark Wahlberg. The guy does not make a movie that I will not watch, seriously. Well, outside of Entourage which I refuse to watch. Wahlberg is an all around specimen, having started in music and moved to the silver screen with great success.

    Just saying…..

  6. Reblogged this on Anna Beguins and commented:

    Michelle and I are going to be posting over at Cayman’s blog (Drinks Well With Others) from time to time. This was our first post a few days ago, so if you missed it, be sure to check it out. It’s light, fun, somewhat funny, and very delicious. 🙂 We’ll have another installment soon!

  7. Hahahhahha!
    very entertaining ladies, thanks for this.
    Making me think about who’s my viggo.
    I don’t watch walking dead so no clue about reedus, but mortensen?
    he had me at marrying exene cervenka, because…X!

      • You now..I’ve been thinking about this. I may or may not post on this topic (my god! the unpublished posts!) because it has really interested me, this lack of a quick and easy response. I have theories.
        However….you are spot on with Daniel Craig, he would definitely be at the top of my list. Good call! Firth? adorable, like his acting but no.

  8. This excites me…seeing these ladies here (plus the promise of Mary!), I mean. I have a half-assed crush on Mark Ruffalo and Daniel Craig. Not sure I even spelled Mark’s name right. Celebrity crushes are just as weird as real life ones.

    • These ladies not only bring their mad skills, they class this place up. And I agree with you about crushes . . they are kinda weird. But hey, I have a major crush on Vera Farmiga so who am I to talk? 🙂

    • Daniel Craig has some lovely DNA for sure.

      And Mark…he’s grown on me a lot. He’s finer with age, and definitely seems like a nice guy–which is definitely a turn-on. He was mentioned in a book I just finished (It Was Me All Along–a weight loss memoir); the author meets him at an event and he was very very friendly and easy going. He was very good in a small movie he did with Keira Knightly “Begin Again.” Worth watching!

      New installment coming early next week 🙂

      I’m excited about Mary too. She’s not been feeling well lately, so I’m hoping she bounces back soon and starts feeling creative. I miss her!

      Sent from my iPhone

      >

        • Meh. I was kinda the other way. Sean Connery will always be Bond to me. Craig was too…too…too big? Bond was always about the swagger and the charm vs. the muscle and the stunts, to me. Don’t get me wrong…I ❤ Daniel, but as Bond he was just okay. (Though he did start to grow on me a little bit.) Will be interesting to see who they go with next. OMG what if it's Viggo? (Hey, a girl can dream…)

  9. My vote is so unoriginal…but i started reading from last to first and from the get go, I was thinking where is Viggo? And here he is…so i will just say Viggo. Is that okay? The others are smokin but Viggo.

    • Is it okay to just say Viggo? Hell yes, it’s okay to just say Viggo. I would just say Viggo each day and every day if I thought I could get away with it. It’s like that StateFarm commercial…”Can’t you say anything other than ‘Discount Double Check?'” lol
      But girl you’re talking to someone who included Seth Rogen and Uma Thurman so your vote will fit just fine… do tell. 🙂 Unless you don’t want to, that’s totally fine too.
      But yeah, Viggo is like beyond. He’s all that plus a whole can of whipped cream on a bowl of flaming cherries.

      • I vote for Viggo. He is Renaissance Man. Even though he didn’t make your top, there is something about Robert Downey Jr. that pulls at my heart. From the time I saw him in Back to School, I was hooked. His acting in Chaplin ripped my guts out. Now, he is Ironman. The fact that he is winning against his personal demons tops the cake. This was lots of fun to read!

        • Ooh, I agree about Robert Downey Jr. Very much. If I had a few more picks, he would have been on the list for sure. I love those guys (and girls) who overcome adversity and come out stronger and softer from them.

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