Final Picks: 1st Annual Viggo Mortenson Invitational

Did you play along in our Pick the Winners Oscars event? You have until Sunday 4:00 pm central. Hurry!

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Welcome friends and strangers to the final draft rounds of our 1st Annual Viggo Mortensen Invitational. Yep, you read correctly. This post wraps up our draft and gives Michelle and I each nine hotties on our fantasy teams. You can catch our previous two posts here and here.

I wanted to write something special, something to commemorate the event, but who am I kidding? You don’t care about the intro, and we don’t really care about it either, so I’ll just use what I wrote for the rough draft, and then we’ll jump right into the candy dish. The eye candy dish, that is.

INTRO, BLAH BLAH BITCH SLAP BLAH BLAH

Bitch_858ed2_2724820

Okay…

So for my 4th and 5th picks, I select:

JOHN CUSACK.

IMG_6832
No one broods quite like John

Top five reasons John is one of my picks: 1) He has great hair. 2) He’s smart as hell. 3) He’s a smart-ass liable to say anything. 4) High Fidelity. 5) He has great hair. Oops, sorry, did I say that already? Well, it is really great hair.

I obviously have a thing
Plus I obviously have a thing for guys holding boom boxes.

And my next pick:

KEANU REEVES.

The Matrix must have been like the Fountain of Youth. Keanu hasn't aged a day since.
The Matrix must hold the Fountain of Youth. Keanu hasn’t aged a day since the 90s.

Any dude that blows up the world to avenge his dog? Yes, please. I want to know if anything happens to me, those fuckers are going to pay. Plus he builds motorcycles. And he was in a band. And he has great hair.

8092keanu

K, Michelle, you’re up… I bet your picks don’t have hair like John or Keanu.

****

Who needs hair when you can have lungs? How about lungs AND hair? Read ’em and weep, Playa.  In this round, I’m a little bit country and a little bit rock-n-roll, but not near as wholesome as Marie Osmond.

My next hot pick–an outlaw after my heart….

Eric Church

eric_church_creepin_video_UCN

Do you SEE the way he’s looking at me? Holy geez…he reminds me of my high school boyfriend, but without the mommy issues and clunker car. I love everything Eric puts down – his songs, the lyrics, and penchant to piss people off. He makes me want to say bad words.

And speaking of bad, love, and giving love a bad name; this next pick is credited to our own handsome Cayman Thorn.

Jon Bon (Buns) Jovi

jon-bon-jovi-photo-25

Cayman hinted that somebody needed to insert him into the draft and I hopped all over the chance to slot him anywhere near me. Seriously – he looks as good now as he did when we wore neon shirts and acid-washed jeans. Admittedly, I was always jealous that his hair was bigger than mine, but I don’t hold grudges.

Jon_Bon_Jovi_318

*****

Hey, no fair, Michelle, I thought I was the one that made you want to cuss. You are such a wicked tease! And I am absolutely shot in the heart (and you’re to blame!) that you nabbed Jon before I could too. Nice pick! But that’s okay, I’m already over it. Because . . . two words:

Ryan. Gosling.

at the 64th international film festival, in Cannes, southern France, Saturday, May 21, 2011. (AP Photo/Joel Ryan)
You can leave your glasses on.

Ryan turns my Grumpy Cat into a Happy Kitty.

happy cat
Oh get a room you two.

And because I like fried chicken.

hey girl
You want me to eat around YOU? As if.

But speaking of fried chicken . . . that leads me to my next pick. Because while I adore Ryan Gosling, there’s no way in hell that I’m going to eat fried chicken in front of him while ten pounds of lard spontaneously appear on my ass. No. For that sort of eating and corresponding ass-fat growth, one needs . . .

wait for it . . .

 

 

 

 

 

oh yes, I’m going there . . .

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rogen. Seth Rogen. 

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Now here’s a dude you can eat fried chicken with. In your sweats. And drink a twelve-pack with. And laugh and snort and cuss with, and watch the Exorcist or the Super Bowl with, and skip the make-up and eat dessert…twice! with, and not have to pretend you’re perfect around him, because he’s not perfect either and he adores you JUST THE WAY YOU ARE, unlike that other dude Ryan who may be perfect but–come on–you would never scarf down fried chicken around Ryan because you would scare the living shit out of him.

No, for scary-chicken-eating you need Seth.

seth cute
Never underestimate the aphrodisiac powers of laughter and fried chicken.

And hey Cayman… Seth could totally do James Bond. Totally.

seth bond 2 seth bond

So Michelle, have anyone you can eat fried chicken with?

****

Absolutely! Who eats fried chicken better than anyone we know? A good ‘ole southern boy, that’s who. Even with an early 90s’ mullet, my next pick is…

(Slim) Tim McGraw

He’s been an Indian Outlaw, taught us to live like we were dying, and can wear jeans and a cowboy hat like nobody’s business. Add to that, his baseball lineage and I’m ready to set his cowboy boots under my bed any time.  Faith is one lucky lady.

tim-mcgraw

And speaking of lucky ladies. How about Blake Lively? As if having flawless skin and a banging body wasn’t enough, she had to snag herself a beautiful man, too. My next pick…

Ryan Reynolds

26-Hottest-Pictures-Hot-Dad-Ryan-Reynolds

Booyah, baby!  Are you having Wrong Ryan Regret? Did you see him in the Super Bowl commercial?

‘Nuff said!

Now what do you have for me, BBF??

*****

Oh sweet heavens. Those abs can’t be real. There’s no way in the world that man eats fried chicken. No way. Commerical? You mean that was a commercial? I thought it was Ryan’s new show and all that extra football stuff was the commercials.

Okay, so I mentioned I had surprises in this round. Did you think Seth was my only surprise pick? Um…nope. Although anyone who has read my work closely won’t be suprised by my next pick.

Uma Thurman. 

But not just any Uma Thurman . . . Uma in Pulp Fiction.

uma pf

I mean…that dance scene? I said goddamn! She made this girl want to be a woman.

And my last pick in the draft …

Rachel McAdams

She’s sultry and sexy.

Rachel-Mcadams-Headshot

She’s sweet and smart.Best-Rachel-McAdams-Pictures-GIFs

And she channels Mia Wallace (Pulp Fiction Uma).

rachel vow

 

The very astute will notice that Rachel was not originally on my draft list. But then she had to go and wear that green dress. That almost bumped her to the very top, yes even over Viggo, but then I’d have to go and change the names on the series and past posts, and meh, I’m just not that industrious. Instead I’ll just sit here and stare at that lovely emerald dress and those strategically placed wrinkles…

31AAA16600000578-3468790-Emerald_gown_Rachel_McAdams_wore_a_revealing_emerald_gown_on_Sun-m-29_1456738703298

So how about the other sweet and sexy beauty who has captured my heart with her wicked ways? (Yes, I’d draft her, but I’m no dummy. I franchise-tagged her on Day One!) Who is last on your list, Michelle my belle?

****

Nicely done with the ladies, Christy. I said goddamn, I got a girl crush for sure! But, I’m on to your wicked game, sister. Trying to distract me with the women, and butter me up with your sweet nothings when all I wanna do is bury my nose in this guy’s fur. You know what rhymes with “fur?” Purr…as is in purrfect. My final pick…

Kit Harrington

thrones15f-3-web

Three parts kind, sweet and gentle – two parts strong and determined. I’ll lick love each and every one of his parts one by one.

Winter is coming, and so am I if Jon Snow returns in April.

kit-harington-arms

Phew! Smoke ’em if you’ve got ’em, ladies! And with that, our draft teams are complete. Thanks everyone for tuning in, and thanks again Cayman for being such a good sport. We hope it was as good for you as it was for us!

Love, Christy and Michelle

***

“That Don’t Impress Me Much” by the goddess Shania (Brad Pitt doesn’t impress us much, either)

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73 thoughts on “Final Picks: 1st Annual Viggo Mortenson Invitational

    • Hey girl.

      (See what I did there?)

      Nah, no regrets. Anyone can photoshop their abs. Even Seth. He just chooses not to. Which reminds me, I need to download photoshop so that I can uh, go back and remove all the red eye from my beach photos. Uh yeah, that’s it. But first I’m going to finish my fried chicken for lunch.

      Speaking of your Ryan though, we watched Mississippi Grind last night. Yawn. Ryan must’ve needed a paycheck. Not his finest. Have you seen Deadpool yet? We’ll probably catch that on video in a couple months.

      Winter is coming in April!!! We need to bug Cayman to watch it. He hasn’t got on the GoT bandwagon yet. Yet. But he will. Right, Mr. Thorn?

      Sent from my iPhone

      >

      • Sooo…you’re gonna totally laugh here. Not only have I not watched Mississippi Grind…I not sure that I have watched ANY Ryan R or Ryan G movies. I’m sure that I have, but just can’t remember any. Maybe the one with Sandra Bullock? It seems like those guys act in a lot of rom-com stuff, and believe it or not…I get wiggly during chick flicks. “Sweet Home Alabama” is my one and only go-to…which reminds me about who I want during the next round of picks. I’ve jumped on the Ryan’s largely due to Pinterest memes.
        YES! Cayman needs the GOT. You and Jennie got me hooked and I’m counting down the days. This should be an interesting season–there’s no book to reference, right?

  1. Okay, okay, so everyone has different tastes. I’ll say some of these are admirable. I have to go with the Bon Jovi thing. Let’s just say that he was never really metal enough for me in the 80’s and I still had his picture on my wall. Seth Rogan…okay, sure, he makes me laugh, I’ll do him. Ryan Gosling, no way, never got him, never will. I feel like I can comment on him because it’s like you love him or hate him. I’m probably in the minority though.

  2. But, I just gotta come back and say…props on the ladies. I had to show this clip to Tanna a few months ago when she was trying to figure out why the Fall Out Boys wanted to dance like Uma Thurman 🙂
    OMG…your photo captions were awesome! So much fun to do this with you, hon. You’re my franchise playa, too. xo

  3. Holy fucking hell in a hand basket with sweet biscuits! (No, that wasn’t code for something gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that . . .)

    Ladies, I don’t know where to start. It’s Cusack’s hair, which IS pretty fucking great, I’m not gonna lie. And what the fuck!? Ryan Reynolds and his reproducing abs. I stopped counting at like, 27. Again . . nothing wrong with counting. Keanu supplied me with a line I shall use forever after. “Vaya con deeeeoooozzz . . . dude.” And yes, going all medieval on someone who kills your dog is justifiable, completely so.

    Now Michelle, let the record show I mentioned Jon. And nowhere in that mention did I refer to him as “buns”. Again . . nothing wrong with that. And Christy . . I swear to God, you are going to get Seth Rogan the gig as the next James Bond. Seth as James Bond, it’s gonna be a thing!

    Admittedly, I didn”t know who Eric Church was. And this Kit Harrington, didn’t know him either. Although, as I scrolled down for Michelle’s final pick and saw the name before the pic? I thought for sure it was gonna be another chica. It was nirvana, for a moment in time.

    Speaking of . . .

    Can I get another God damn! from the congregation for Uma and Michelle Rodriguez showing up? It was the most delectable of candy coatings to an outrageously sexy post. Christy . . . if you are indeed carrots . . they be candied.

  4. ok.
    so you guys have fun and the rest of us, what?
    read and vicariously just enjoy your pics?
    cuz, i’m just saying’, that’s a little dull for me.
    I would have completely different pics…the only one i might like to steal is viggo…bu i haven’t thought in order so i’m not sure he’d make the top, um…9 is it?

    so what are we ladies to do? is this is blog challenge? do we leave our (WAY superior ) pics here or do it on our own blogs?
    hhhmmmmmm??????

    • YES. THIS IS AN OFFICIAL BLOG CHALLENGE. I double-dog dare you with cherry (pie) and whipped cream on top to lay down your favorite picks.

      Where would you like to leave your picks? You can do your own post (we’ll reblog it), or hell I think I speak for everyone that you’re welcome to guest-post here if you’d like a different change of venue. All depends on your comfort level hon. 🙂

      • I think any more female energy on Cayman’s blog might just…IDK…
        let me attempt on my blog and you can re-post. I’ll also ask others to do it, it’s slow and like I said, any jump-off idea for blogging is good, right? It may take a few days as I’m in a (surprise!) yoga workshop this weekend, but I’ll get on it.
        YOU know who #1 is, but I need 9, right?
        Then what, a baseball game, a cage match? 😉 And am I allowed to repeat one already said? I get the idea no but…..

        • Sure, Mish, you can do whatever you’d like! No rules, that was our only rule. You pick as many or as few as you’d like. Just for fun…Lighten up these heavy winter moods that seem to be draping everyone, ya know?

          Happy yoga-ing! xo

          PS- I’ll let Cayman address the female energy on his blog…but…I don’t think he minds at all. 😉

  5. OMG….YES! I wuz wondering when this would get snoozy for someone other than the pickers. I would SO love to see your picks. I made a comment to Marissa that she needed to lay down some poetry outlining her favorite rocker picks. I am sure the clever and feisty Mish has something for us, too???
    Give us a hint. Who’d be at the top of your list? (insert whine)…c’mon…PLEASE!?!?

  6. I’m tired an bitchier than normal so I’ll keep this comment nice and tight: bullet format.

    -John Cusack – I wouldn’t turn him away.
    -Keanu Reaves – NO. Dumb as rocks. Brains are a non-negotiable for me.
    -Eric Church – Never heard of him. Michelle seems to like him a bunch so I’ll check him out.
    -JBJ – Okay, I admit it… he is my guilty pleasure.
    -Ryan Gosling. Yes. A million times yes. But he’s not a freebie 5 guy. He’s on the forever list. Way more than just a f*ck. 🙂
    -Seth Rogen – Wow, you are big on CanCon (CanadianContent), Christy. I like it. 🙂 Seth is okay by me with that perpetually stoned laugh.
    -Tim McGraw – Nope. This is where my Hollywood insider knowledge works against me. He *looks* good, but I know too much about the shady stuff…
    -Ryan Reynolds. Meh. The ‘lesser than’ Canadian Ryan. Doesn’t hold a candle to Gosling.
    -Pulp Fiction-era Uma – Hell yeah.
    -Michellle Rodrigues – I’m down with that.
    -Kit Harrington – I’d take him, BUT, I’d prefer Rose Leslie, his hot little spitfire girlfriend, Ygrette.

    With all that CanCon, I can’t believe you left off Rachel McAdams, another one on my list.

    • Rachel is all that with buttercream frosting and a cherry on top. Love her. She got two mentions in my Oscar posts, and her green dress got mentioned too. 🙂

      Hey…Keanu isn’t dumb. He’s just type-cast. Dude has incredible business savvy and a heart of gold. Gives so much to charity and to all the behind the scenes folks on his movies and pays medical bills for people he works with (like in support roles or all those rolling credit roles that don’t get paid shit). Even if he wasn’t the brightest bulb in the lamp store, his wisdom and kindness, and yeah fine his hair, put him tops on my list. 🙂

      But you know, that’s cool if you don’t like him. Figured you’d like gosling since we’ve discussed him before.

      Ygrette…yeah…she’s hot. We’re trying to get Cayman to watch Game of Thrones. I first pegged him for Danni, but I think he’ll go gaga for Ygrette. Just saw her with Vin Diesel in the witch hunter movie. She was the only good thing about that flick.

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