Current Events For Dummies (That’s redundant, isn’t it?)

I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty sick and fucking tired of “Breaking News” that ain’t really even news. So Imma focus on some of the peeps who are swimming through this week’s news cycle instead. Because it’s what Wolf Blitzer would want.

Trump- Trump peeps will tell you that’s why they LOVE him; because he “tells it like it is.”- an intentionally vague and wholly indefinable concept due to the fact it is entirely semantical. Noam Chomsky and Pat Robertson “tell it like it is” from different corners of the galaxy, with zero promise of a nine o’clock tee time to hash things out. In other words, it’s another way of saying “I’m right and you’re wrong.”

Trump could have been a legit agent of change in this country. Just look at the truths he’s expunged from the murky undercarriage of our business as usual existence. Over the course of a year he laid waste to the GOP field, exposing many of them for what they have become- lazy, entitled talking heads who are more adept at righteous indignation than right thinking leadership. He fired on the Democratic machinery for being entrenched elitists who believe they know what’s best for the whole wide world, even when they don’t. He introduced himself as Exhibit A when railing on about how grass roots movements win Oscars but money still wins political favoritism. Problem is, every good point is soon buried under the inane rants of a man who prefers to play to the frustrated roars of his followers rather than pound out common sense alternatives for an ailing system.

An agent of change doesn’t hide behind euphemistic walls. He doesn’t flip flop and he doesn’t talk about how great America used to be when the fact of the matter is that a democracy’s greatness is ALWAYS presently constituted rather than a byproduct of sketchy recollections. Change should feel uncomfortable, but it shouldn’t be unreasonable.

Ryan Lochte- Never mind . . .

Colin Kaepernick- Sit, stand, nap . .  it’s not my business how someone chooses to recognize (or not) the National Anthem. Personally, I stand and I put my hand on my heart and I give thanks to the men and women who defend our right to speak freely, think openly and play Pokemon Go. I have no problem with someone who uses their high profile platform to address social issues, just so long as they are informed and earnest. And I’m dubious as to Kap’s ability to carry through on what he started. I mean, did it just occur to Kap that we have serious issues to attend to? Where was his indignation before now? Cynic that I am, the timing seems opportunistic; a player on his last NFL legs decides to summon his inner Ali against a system he deems unfair and worse. Why did he wait? Seems to me, he might have begun his crusade after winning the starter’s job, or after signing his big contract, or during Super Bowl week a few years ago. Whatevs, it’s his opinion now. He’s going to have to deal with the criticism, but he’s also going to have to come across as invested. It’s not enough to address the failings of a system. If it was, then public policy meetings would begin at Happy Hour. Maybe Kap surprises everyone and becomes a clear and consistent voice for those whose voices have been muted for far too long. We’ll see.

Dwayne Wade- He lost his cousin to gun violence last Friday night- Nykea Aldridge is one of more than 400 victims to have been shot, and one of 87 fatalities . . . in August. Chicago is closing in on 500 homicides for the year, and there are still four months to go. I don’t know how this changes, but I do know that Wade is fully invested in the fight for change, even before Friday night. He knows of the cause he stands behind and he is a voice that won’t be here and gone. And he’s in a town that desperately needs him, not for his basketball skills but for the change he can affect.

Anthony Weiner- He screwed up his career in Congress and then derailed his mayoral chances because he was playing Sponge Bob No Pants on his cell phone, but that’s not why he’s a phony in my book. Nah, it’s his self righteous, “I know better than you do” attitude that defined his political career that has me shaking my head. He went after diplomats for the millions of dollars in unpaid parking fines they owed the city, and yet his fleet also had a slew of unpaid parking fines . . . huh. Weiner devoted a ton of time and energy to cracking down on tobacco smuggling on the internet- which is a fiscal consideration worth fighting for if you’re in Congress. But smuggling penis pics across the internet- even when he had no idea who was receiving them- was okay. What a dick.

Tim Tebow- Why the hate for this guy? I mean . . he’s never been in trouble with the law, despite playing for the Florida Gators! He’s never failed a drug test, tweeted something moronic, dumped Taylor Swift, beaten up a Cub Scout or been arrested for jacking a pair of Beats from the local Target. And yet . .the spigot of hate directed at this dude by his critics is more epic than Brad Pitt’s lonesome anger in Killing Them Softly. How did he become such a polarizing figure when . . . Oh yeah, I remember now. He’s a white, Christian conservative. I’m not a Christian conservative, but I’m also not a bully. I don’t pick on people who are different than me, I don’t call them out for trying and failing, and I sure as hell don’t sandblast them for picking themselves up and trying something completely different. The haters got the wrong man, but I’m pretty sure most of them already knew that.

Chris Brown- Speaking of bullies, here’s a dude who never met a bad idea he couldn’t make even worse. But his Scarface routine is a new level of stupid, even for Brown. It’s never a good idea to tell the cops to “bring it on” . . . schmuck.

Terrorist Clowns- This story seems odd and far fetched, but in the event there are clowns in the woods? The peeps of Greenville County best learn the Ritual of Chud . . . quickly.

I’ll end this mind numbing experience with a shout out to Travis Rudolph. The Florida State wide receiver recently visited a middle school in Tallahassee, where he spotted a boy eating lunch all by his lonesome. So he joined the kid. He must’ve forgotten the macho mandate thrown down by Nike, ESPN and all the other merchants of menace who sell swagger and attitude and mean girl behavior as cool shit worthy of celebration. Here was Travis, keeping it real . . . by behaving as a kind, compassionate human being.

That right there . . . is some breaking news.






10 thoughts on “Current Events For Dummies (That’s redundant, isn’t it?)

  1. Pilgrim, you’ve done it again. You’ve made so much sense and made it so well I want to throw myself off a curb for not saying it first. Ah well, that’s why I love reading your stuff. You say a lot with class. Terrific. Thanks.

  2. So much to respond to, so little time.

    Thirteen years ago, Schwarzenegger promised to be an agent for change in California. As soon as he was elected he ran from change. There are other examples of this as well, where celebrity outsiders run on the promise of change and then once elected utterly fail at it. So, even if Trump were not such an idiot, any promise of change wouldn’t have much credibility to me.

    Kaepernick — no problem with the form of his protest, I agree in general with his perspective. But he’s going to have to get a whole lot more informed on the issue and intelligent about how he expresses himself to get any traction at all. At the moment, he looks like somebody who is being led by the nose to this effort and doesn’t really look like he knows what he is talking about. His generalized attack on the entire country as racist and oppressive and his generalized attack on law enforcement gets nowhere with me, no matter how much I agree there is a problem.

    Dwyane Wade (and Kaepernick) — Wade is at least talking about gun violence in general. BLM and individuals sympathetic to the BLM idea need to start talking about the disgusting level of violence within their own communities. To focus entirely on the law enforcement problem, without also addressing the problems within their communities lessens their credibility. Kudos to Wade for going there.

    Anthony Weiner — I gotcher Weiner right here!!! It’s just amazing a man with that name keeps getting caught doing what he does. I’d consider a name change if I was him. Maybe Anthony StudMuffin?

    Tebow — I don’t get the hate either, but I’d like to introduce him to somebody who thought he could make a go at baseball. Tim, meet Michael Jordan.

    Chris Brown — I really don’t care. He’s a perfect example of how our celebrity-obsessed culture has gone overboard. He’s past his sell-by date. Let’s just ignore him. Please

    Terrorist clowns — I heard about this awhile back. Interesting story. Whoever is doing this is odd, but the reaction to it is classic.

    And finally, Travis Rudolph — a great story that we need more of.

    • King,

      You never disappoint. Yes, you’re so right about The Governator. Change is a political promise, after which it gets back to business as usual, sadly. Trump keeps pounding away at this wall and insisting that Mexico will pay for it…..even if they don’t know it yet….wha? Puhleeze.

      I’m dubious about Kap because, to this point he has been style over substance. And I don’t dig making blanket statements. I trust Wade to back up his words, I’ll hope for the same with Kap, but I’m dubious.

      Jordan may have been the greatest player on the hardwood, but he was just another guy when he tried taking on the curveball. Tebow should take the first offer he gets and after that plays out, he should go back to his studio gig, because he’s really good at it.

      Brown is a clown….not in the woods but it’s understood. Okay…BAD turn at poetry, sorry.

      And Travis Rudolph….amen to that brother.


  3. I agree with your stance regarding being invested in our causes. These days it isn’t enough to say how we feel. We have to act on it, put our money where our mouths are so to speak, and make an actual difference. An example in your post alone pits the likes of Travis Rudolph against Kap. We need more action by people like Rudolph, and those like Kap might learn a thing or two.

    • Kap has never been known for his substantive views. Most of the conversation surrounding his decision to sit concerned him, and not the cause he was supporting. That….is a problem. When the messenger is perceived this way, the cause suffers as a result.

      It’s not simply a feeling about Kap, oh no. It’s the example he set up until now. Wearing those pig cop socks was ridiculous. I’d expect that kind of nonsense from a Cal Berkeley student whose world views are limited to classrooms and beer pong. That’s not a ‘statement’ against bad cops, that’s a blanket statement against all cops. Nonsense.

      See, despite the money pledge and his expanding on those original thoughts of his, Imma need more evidence that this dude isn’t just posing. That’s the way it goes when you talk about our country’s history of oppression while at the same time wearing a t-shirt with Fidel Castro’s likeness on it since . . yanno, Castro knows a thing or two about human rights violations.

      We need more of Travis Rudolph. For sure.

      Thanks Bahstan.

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