I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty sick and fucking tired of “Breaking News” that ain’t really even news. So Imma focus on some of the peeps who are swimming through this week’s news cycle instead. Because it’s what Wolf Blitzer would want.
Trump- Trump peeps will tell you that’s why they LOVE him; because he “tells it like it is.”- an intentionally vague and wholly indefinable concept due to the fact it is entirely semantical. Noam Chomsky and Pat Robertson “tell it like it is” from different corners of the galaxy, with zero promise of a nine o’clock tee time to hash things out. In other words, it’s another way of saying “I’m right and you’re wrong.”
Trump could have been a legit agent of change in this country. Just look at the truths he’s expunged from the murky undercarriage of our business as usual existence. Over the course of a year he laid waste to the GOP field, exposing many of them for what they have become- lazy, entitled talking heads who are more adept at righteous indignation than right thinking leadership. He fired on the Democratic machinery for being entrenched elitists who believe they know what’s best for the whole wide world, even when they don’t. He introduced himself as Exhibit A when railing on about how grass roots movements win Oscars but money still wins political favoritism. Problem is, every good point is soon buried under the inane rants of a man who prefers to play to the frustrated roars of his followers rather than pound out common sense alternatives for an ailing system.
An agent of change doesn’t hide behind euphemistic walls. He doesn’t flip flop and he doesn’t talk about how great America used to be when the fact of the matter is that a democracy’s greatness is ALWAYS presently constituted rather than a byproduct of sketchy recollections. Change should feel uncomfortable, but it shouldn’t be unreasonable.
Ryan Lochte- Never mind . . .
Colin Kaepernick- Sit, stand, nap . . it’s not my business how someone chooses to recognize (or not) the National Anthem. Personally, I stand and I put my hand on my heart and I give thanks to the men and women who defend our right to speak freely, think openly and play Pokemon Go. I have no problem with someone who uses their high profile platform to address social issues, just so long as they are informed and earnest. And I’m dubious as to Kap’s ability to carry through on what he started. I mean, did it just occur to Kap that we have serious issues to attend to? Where was his indignation before now? Cynic that I am, the timing seems opportunistic; a player on his last NFL legs decides to summon his inner Ali against a system he deems unfair and worse. Why did he wait? Seems to me, he might have begun his crusade after winning the starter’s job, or after signing his big contract, or during Super Bowl week a few years ago. Whatevs, it’s his opinion now. He’s going to have to deal with the criticism, but he’s also going to have to come across as invested. It’s not enough to address the failings of a system. If it was, then public policy meetings would begin at Happy Hour. Maybe Kap surprises everyone and becomes a clear and consistent voice for those whose voices have been muted for far too long. We’ll see.
Dwayne Wade- He lost his cousin to gun violence last Friday night- Nykea Aldridge is one of more than 400 victims to have been shot, and one of 87 fatalities . . . in August. Chicago is closing in on 500 homicides for the year, and there are still four months to go. I don’t know how this changes, but I do know that Wade is fully invested in the fight for change, even before Friday night. He knows of the cause he stands behind and he is a voice that won’t be here and gone. And he’s in a town that desperately needs him, not for his basketball skills but for the change he can affect.
Anthony Weiner- He screwed up his career in Congress and then derailed his mayoral chances because he was playing Sponge Bob No Pants on his cell phone, but that’s not why he’s a phony in my book. Nah, it’s his self righteous, “I know better than you do” attitude that defined his political career that has me shaking my head. He went after diplomats for the millions of dollars in unpaid parking fines they owed the city, and yet his fleet also had a slew of unpaid parking fines . . . huh. Weiner devoted a ton of time and energy to cracking down on tobacco smuggling on the internet- which is a fiscal consideration worth fighting for if you’re in Congress. But smuggling penis pics across the internet- even when he had no idea who was receiving them- was okay. What a dick.
Tim Tebow- Why the hate for this guy? I mean . . he’s never been in trouble with the law, despite playing for the Florida Gators! He’s never failed a drug test, tweeted something moronic, dumped Taylor Swift, beaten up a Cub Scout or been arrested for jacking a pair of Beats from the local Target. And yet . .the spigot of hate directed at this dude by his critics is more epic than Brad Pitt’s lonesome anger in Killing Them Softly. How did he become such a polarizing figure when . . . Oh yeah, I remember now. He’s a white, Christian conservative. I’m not a Christian conservative, but I’m also not a bully. I don’t pick on people who are different than me, I don’t call them out for trying and failing, and I sure as hell don’t sandblast them for picking themselves up and trying something completely different. The haters got the wrong man, but I’m pretty sure most of them already knew that.
Chris Brown- Speaking of bullies, here’s a dude who never met a bad idea he couldn’t make even worse. But his Scarface routine is a new level of stupid, even for Brown. It’s never a good idea to tell the cops to “bring it on” . . . schmuck.
Terrorist Clowns- This story seems odd and far fetched, but in the event there are clowns in the woods? The peeps of Greenville County best learn the Ritual of Chud . . . quickly.
I’ll end this mind numbing experience with a shout out to Travis Rudolph. The Florida State wide receiver recently visited a middle school in Tallahassee, where he spotted a boy eating lunch all by his lonesome. So he joined the kid. He must’ve forgotten the macho mandate thrown down by Nike, ESPN and all the other merchants of menace who sell swagger and attitude and mean girl behavior as cool shit worthy of celebration. Here was Travis, keeping it real . . . by behaving as a kind, compassionate human being.
That right there . . . is some breaking news.