As far as movie eats go, it’s all about the dark side

I went to see Rogue One yesterday. It’s a stand alone installment in the Star Wars franchise, which can only mean one thing . . . Disney is gonna milk this cash cow for every penny it can shake out of the galaxy’s pockets. I’ll offer up my quick shot review in a moment, but first I wanna talk about food. Or more specifically, contraband.

Movie theater contraband has been a thing for me ever since me and my mom snuck a couple cheeseburgers into the movie Bananas. We only stayed long enough to finish our sneak treats before ditching a forgettable flick and going for milk shakes. As I got older, I learned to tolerate a poor cinematic decision, mostly because I was the one footing the bill. With the prospect of a one hundred twenty minute jail sentence staring me down, I became more ambitious with my secret menu.

Some all time favorites are calzones and empanadillas (shape shifted in order to escape detection), gyros, burgers, brats and home made sandwiches. Falafel and hush puppies are stealthy staples. Mixed nuts and trail mix are tastier, cheaper alternatives to the concession stand sweets. A customized stash can make a bad movie bearable and a good movie that much better. Gravity was entertaining as all get out, but it was my movie grub that put it over the top- I took freshly baked pretzel sticks and I tucked a couple foot longs into place. I married that with muenster cheese and dijon mustard and then I watched George Clooney hurtle into the cosmos. Movie experiences don’t get more satisfying than that.

I snuck a tomato/spinach/mozzarella sandwich on Asiago cheese bread into The Hateful Eight and I ended up enjoying it way more than the movie. Those delightful little rivets from the Philly Pretzel Factory made Suicide Squad more interesting than it really was. And sugar coated churros had me thinking Dawn of the Planet of the Apes was worth sitting through, even though it wasn’t.

Oh crap, I almost forgot! My Star Wars review (Spoiler Alert). . .

Rogue One Review:

In a word, solid. I say that because I’m not a big Star Wars fan. To me, the franchise is only worth talking about because Darth Vader is in it. And while the man in black’s screen time is brief, he makes it count as only the Dark Lord can. Surprisingly, I still ended up digging this flick. Lots. Probably because it’s dark and hopeless and grittier than any Star Wars flick I have seen. Basically, the story follows a group of rebels with a cause as they embark on a suicide mission whose end game is to help Princess Leia and the rebel alliance level the playing field against the big, bad imperial forces. As I mentioned earlier, Disney is going to serve up a ton of these stand alone puppies now that it has the keys to Lucas castle. All I know is, Darth Vader better get his own full feature. Soon.

I stuck to the traditional movie theater popcorn for Rogue. You can’t go wrong with the stuff; mostly because the recipe is two sticks of butter with a fistful of salt. topped with another couple sticks of butter. It’s what keeps movie goers coming back for more, and cardiologists in business. Still, I found myself craving Chinese takeout halfway through the movie. Abiding by theater rules has inspired me to go to the movies again soon, with a more creative selection in tow.

The Dark Lord would be proud. Okay, maybe not.