Pool results, Passengers and Cheesy Endings

With a week to go in the regular season, I checked the standings in the football pool I take part in at work. I’m in fifth place, twelve games back. And it struck me, that in this age of whine and poses, where nobody really wins because nobody ever loses . . . because every single result is produced by some sinister monolithic enterprise with nothing better to do than harsh our mellow . .I have a case!

I missed two entire weeks in the pool, which means I have a higher winning percentage than anybody else and therefore . . I should be crowned defending champion! Unfortunately, Michael Moore isn’t taking my phone calls in regard to this unfortunate turn of events, so I’m SOL. And rightly so.

Anyways, I mention this because to write an entire post on a football pool would be foolish. Not that being foolish ever stopped me before, but like I said, without Michael Moore in the mix . . it’s just a football pool.

Food on the other hand, is what I’m talking about. More specifically, yep . . you guessed it . . movie theater contraband. Because it’s gonna be a recurring theme on here. At least until Michael Moore gets back to me, or the authorities. Let’s go with both.

Went to see Passengers, not so much because I wanted to see this particular movie but man . . . that last post on sneak treats made me hungry for more. I wanted to try something a little more creative than theater popcorn, and Jennifer Lawrence is easy to look at . . so it was a match made in my belly, among other places.

More on the movie in a moment, but first things first. I tossed with several different choices before making my decision. I was jonesing for a panzerotti bur the preparation time is problematic. If I’m investing that much time in a dish, I don’t want to be spilling it all over myself in the dark. Fish tacos were another idea, but I wanted to escape detection rather than welcome it. Grilled cheese! It’s stealthy, creamy . . and to borrow from Joe J of DNCE, it’s fucking delicious.

A spinach and artichoke melt achieved something my football pool playing self could not. It won, big time. I used ciabatta bread because I was transporting it and I wanted to keep the crunch, which is virtually impossible on a grilled cheese unless you’re using something that has ventilation. And oh shit! My movie review!

Mind you, there are spoilers. And if you really have your heart set on going to see this movie, you probably should read them.

Passengers Review: Meh. I really should stop there. It’s a forgettable movie whose box office numbers plummeted before it was even released. The on screen chemistry between Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Pratt is undeniable, but they’re stuck inside some really lazy ass writing and a plot that goes dumber and more predictable than those Jackass flicks. While they’re not the problem, there is no solution. The story begins hopefully, with the space shuttle Avalon hurtling through space on its way to Homestead II- where the 5,000 souls aboard will build a colony free of Walmart and President Trump. Engineer Jim- played by Pratt- wakes up from his 120 year hibernation, 90 years too soon. For one thing, he’s a really shitty engineer, and for another thing, I’ll never complain about being an early riser again.

Inexplicably, Jim grows bored of his dilemma despite having a robot bartender who is not programmed to cut him off or give him shit regarding his life choices. Sooooo, he has the genius idea to wake up one of the other passengers, yanno . . . to keep him company. He chooses Aurora- played by Lawrence- after watching her video profile because he really digs her personality (She’s hot as hell) and he wants to share the rest of his life on a space boat with someone (He wants sex). Jim tells her it was a pod malfunction that woke her up almost a century short of her alarm clock. The dude figures that if he tells her that he woke her up so she could die on a space ship and never fulfill her mission, he probably ain’t getting laid . .  much less living much longer. The creepy plan works and they’re a match made in the Milky Way, until Aurora finds out what Jim did, and then they spend most of the rest of the movie behaving like a married couple. See? I told you I should’ve stopped at Meh.

Now I’m gonna call the Russians and see what they can do about these football pool results.

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