I’m not a big fan of The Bachelor, and by that I mean I have never watched the show. Not because I’m above watching really stupid shit on TV. It’s just that, I can’t stand pretentious people . . or stupid people . . or stupid people who actually think they’re smart and get really annoyed at you for their stupidity . . or fake people . . or . . . well, you get the point. There is nothing about this show that interests me, and a whole lot about this show that I find positively annoying. For the record, I would never wish for any of the participants on this show to burn in hell. Hell is far too interesting a place for them anyway.
By no means am I judging those who do watch this show, mostly because I have no fucking leg to stand on when it comes to stupid TV watching; seeing as how I watched the first season of Joe Millionaire before it occurred to me what a mindless venture I had undertaken. And yet, my TV fare hasn’t really gotten all that much smarter since then. So, here’s my word of the week.
Bacheloritis: The totally needless inflammation of your cerebrum that occurs when you turn on ABC and find this inane show is still on the air. The inflammation occurs as a result of the saturated fats that are stored in this part of the brain while viewing. It is believed to be temporary in nature and symptoms tend to disappear as soon as you turn the channel. While the disease is not known to be fatal, it will kill your brain cells quicker than meth laced maple syrup on chicken and waffles. It is a synapse serial killer. Seriously. If you’re looking for a synonym, check out Bachelorette-itis.