Any way you size it up . . I’m still gonna find a penis joke

trump-inauguration-crowdWelp, it took less than a week for the Trump administration to verify the worst kept secret since John Travolta confessed to being a Scientologist.

As it turns out . . . size really does matter.

I mean . . we were pretty well aware of this fact by now, but it figures that President Trump (I still feel like I’m living inside a Sharknado movie when I say that) would be the one to hang every man’s most obvious fear out to dry by holding a press conference! And he didn’t waste any time in doing so, going on the offensive just days after his inauguration by way of the time honored male tradition whereby we round off to the highest number . .  and then add some more numbers. Only, Trump wasn’t interested in a game of inches, he was intent on breaking inauguration attendance records. In spite of the fact he wasn’t even close and oh by the way. . . no one was giving a shit.

Basically, Trump took a hamburger and tried to sell it as the Grand Mac.

Yeah, of the myriad critiques one might toss in the direction of Trump’s new crib, I’m pretty sure his inauguration attendance numbers were pretty far down the list, if they were on the list at all. But you never would’ve guessed it by the way Trump’s press secretary Sean Spicer talked up the size of the thing. He called it the “largest” . . . like “ever!” When the press corps rightly took him to task on such an imbecilic boast, he actually went even further by calling it “enormous”. He boasted that whether you were looking at it in the flesh or over social media, it was bigger than the other guy’s. Any attempts to downsize his magnifying glass multiplication were met with more artificially enlarged proclamations. I really don’t give a flying fiat that Spicer was simply doing the bidding of his Boss, he didn’t have to be such a dick about it.

LBJ could be a real prick when it came to certain members of the press corps, but he never would’ve pulled a stunt like this. And yes, that was my juvenile way of getting Johnson into this post (had to). Hey, it was either that or a Bush joke so . . you’re welcome.

Long story short, I’m guessing most guys won’t be all that upset about it, because Trump’s latest pickle does kinda take the heat off any dude who cheats on his . . . ahem . . return by a couple inches. Really, what are a few inches when compared to half a million people anyways? And besides, it introduced a new word to the vernacular of penis jokes.

Streaming is the new shrinkage.


18 thoughts on “Any way you size it up . . I’m still gonna find a penis joke

  1. I’ve got my seat belt on and I’m ready for the next four years. Nah, actually I’m not. This is just so f’in’ ridiculous. The man’s an idiot and he’s surrounded himself with other idiots who may just be crazier than he is.

    I need me some Dippin’ Dots.

    • When all the world around you is collapsing, there are worse ways to go than Dippin’ Dots. My daughter would most certainly approve. This was her first vote and needless to say, she wasn’t a very happy camper with the outcome.

  2. Kinda makes you Long for the good ole days with Tricky Dick poking around the Watergate, huh?

    Your post makes my write-in ticket seem pretty witty: Willie Nelson and Peter Dinklage. Though Hillary really did get the shaft in the erection, err I mean, election.

    LOL. Nope, not Hard at all to come up with a penis joke. Something about rising to the occasion…

    Wait, we weren’t really talking about Trump were we? Have you seen his hands? The Presidency is a test…he’s probably not up for. Let’s hope there’s a pill for that.

  3. Mad? Meet science. Feel free to leave THIS kinda comment.

    I left Dick out of the equation but only because Johnson seemed a ‘tad bit more immature.

    And hey, if Willie and Dinklage won . . . big, I wonder if they might have honored the late Dick Trickle for his accomplishments inside the oval?

    Trumps hands tell a tale. It’s a short story.

    • Clinton’s cigar… Regan’s (jelly) beans… Carter’s peanuts… Bush’s nephew Bushie (Trump’s little “ego” stroking friend)… The Presidency is ripe with penis jokes a’plenty. About the only one I can’t think of a joke for is Obama, and honestly, I didn’t even try. That whole family is too classy for penile jokes, like heads above all the others.

  4. Dick Cheney wouldn’t approve, but he never had sex so there’s that.

    The Clinton administration was head and shoulders above the rest when it came to going long on the penis jokes. I guess they’re right, about the well dressed man. Blue, preferably. Or was it blew? Let’s go with both.

    And yes, we had two Bushes in the White House. And they were really really big on incursions . . they pushed hard for them. We can’t forget Kennedy, who had that whole missile crisis thing. Not to mention his war of wills with the Soviets . . .

  5. Very well written.

    Popcorn and Pepsi are needed when watching Trump – one of the worlds best standup comedians – just like a reality show – the problem is, we can’t switch off the telly.

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